Mrs. Hendy: Do all philosophers have an S in them? Mr. Hendy: Yeah I think most of them do. Mrs. Hendy: Oh... Does that mean Selina Jones is a philosopher? Mr. Hendy: Yeah... Right, she could be... she sings about the Meaning of Life. Mrs. Hendy: Yea...
Sergeant Major: Is there something YOU'D all rather be doing than marching about the square? You'd all rather be at the pictures, I suppose. [Everyone agrees] Sergeant Major: Well, off you go.
Grim Reaper: You are all dead. I am Death. Host: Well, that's cast rather a gloom over the evening, hasn't it?
Lady Presenter: [after she and the other dinner guests have supposedly died after eating the salmon mousse] Hey, I didn't eat the mousse!
Humphrey: Now two boys have been found rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant. Now some of you may feel that the cormorant does not play an important part in the life of the school, but I would remind you that it was presented to us by the cor...
Grim Reaper: Englishmen, you're all so fucking pompous. None of you have got any balls.
[the Middle Of The Film] Lady Presenter: Hello, and welcome to 'The Middle of the Film', the moment where we take a break to invite you, the audience, to join us, the film-makers, in 'Find the Fish'. We're going to show you a scene from another film ...
Hospital Administrator: Ah, I see you have the machine that goes ping. This is my favorite. You see we lease it back from the company we sold it to and that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account. [Everyone in the r...
Strange Man: And it went... wherever I... did go.
Maria the cleaning woman: I used to work in the Académie Française / but it didn't do me any good at all. / And I once worked in the library in the Prado in Madrid / But it didn't teach me nothing I recall. / And the Library of Congress you would h...
General: But of course warfare isn't all fun. Right, stop that! It's all very well to laugh at the military, but when one considers the meaning of life, it is a struggle between alternative viewpoints of life itself. And without the ability to defend...
Chaplain: [singing] Oh Lord, please don't burn us/Don't grill or toast your flock/Don't put us on the barbecue/Or simmer us in stock/Don't braise or bake or boil us/Or stir-fry us in a wok/Oh please don't lightly poach us/Or baste us with hot fat/Don...
Maitre d': Et maintenant, would monsieur care for an aperitif, or would he prefer to order straightaway? Today, we have for appetizers - excuse me - uh, moules marinières, pâte de foie gras, beluga caviar, eggs Benedictine, tarte de poireaux - that...
Gaston: My mother told me, "Gaston, there are many people in the world, and in order to get along, you have to try and make everyone happy." That is why I became a waiter, so I can make people happy. Gaston: [pause] Well, fuck you! I can live my life...
Ainsworth: I'm afraid we've got a bit of a problem... you see one of our officers has [sotto voice] Ainsworth: Lost a leg. We think it's a tiger... Soldier: In Africa? Pakenham: Sh, sh sh...
Headmaster: [while having sex with his wife, notices Carter is playing with something] Carter? Carter: Yes sir? Headmaster: What is it Carter? Carter: An ocarina, sir...
Headmaster: [Bible reading] Yay, and placed they the bits in little pots. Now two boys have been found rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant. Now some of you may feel that the cormorant does not play an important part in the life of the schoo...
Wife of Guest #4: We have to go - um - I'm having rather heavy period. [awkward pause] Guest #4: And... we... have a train to catch. Wife: Yes... of course. We have a train to catch. And I don't want to start bleeding over the seats.
