PC Doris Thatcher: What makes you think it was murrderr?
DS Andy Wainwright: What are you thinking? Foul play? Maybe... [to Danny and Nicholas] DS Andy Wainwright: We're just hoping to talk to the last people to see Mr Merchant alive. Namely a Sergeant Knickerless Ass-wipe and Cuntstable Fanny Batterbum. D...
Danny Butterman: Forget it, Nicholas... it's Sandford.
Nicholas Angel: Sergeant Butterman, the little hand says it's time to rock and roll!
Nicholas Angel: With respect, sir, you can't just make people disappear. Chief Inspector: Yes I can, I'm the Chief Inspector. Nicholas Angel: Well however you spin this, there's one thing you haven't taken into account. And that's what the team are g...
Nicholas Angel: Shit just got real!
Danny Butterman: Well, I couldn't see his face, could I? I'm not made of eyes!
[indicating the CCTV footage that will act as his alibi] Simon Skinner: [smiling] Feel free to spool through! [Skinner pulls a pose identical to the one in a photo on the wall behind him]
Nicholas Angel: Yes, sir. Why is everyone eating chocolate cake? Inspector Frank Butterman: The Black Forest gateau is on Danny, as punishment for his little indiscretion. Nicholas Angel: His...? Sir, I don't think driving under the influence can be ...
Nicholas Angel: Ow! You cheeky fucker!
Danny Butterman: [about PC Doris Thatcher] She's our only policewoman. Nicholas Angel: She's not a policewoman. Danny Butterman: [whispers] Yes, she is, I've seen her bra.
Simon Skinner: My, my, here come the Fuzz.
Nicholas Angel: If you had paid attention to me in school, you'd understand it's not all about car chases and excitement. [someone speeds by, triggering Angel's radar speed gun] Nicholas Angel: Fire up the roof. [they chase and catch the speeding car...
[Sergeant Angel has told Danny Butterman that Official Vocabulary no longer refers to car crashes as accidents: They are now called collisions] Danny Butterman: Hey, why can't we say "accident," again? Nicholas Angel: Because "accident" implies there...
Danny Butterman: Dad just said it was his special club.
Nicholas Angel: [about his notebook] This is the most important piece of equipment you will ever own. This notebook has saved my skin more times than I care to remember. Do you use yours? Danny Butterman: Yeah I use it. [shows him a flip animation] N...
Nicholas Angel: We just sat through three hours of so-called acting, constable, and their kiss was the only convincing moment of it.
Nicholas Angel: I just want to be... good at what I do. Danny Butterman: You are good at what you do, you just need to switch off that big ol' melon of yours. Nicholas Angel: That's just it Danny, I don't think I know how. Danny Butterman: I can show...