I had a dream about you. You looked like a real shark in your dolphin suit. I looked like the referee of the animal kingdom—the zebra—as I was dressed like a stack of Oreo cookies. For once I just wanted people to want me for me, and not because ...
I had a dream about you. You were a street vendor selling sidewalks, and I was a roadside bicycle salesman selling two-wheeled dreams to pedestrians. You thought I was hurting your business, and I thought you were a midget. Turns out we were both rig...
I had a dream about you. You sold Tuesdays to factory workers on Monday mornings. You had a good thing going, until I showed up with a vender cart stocked full of Wednesdays.
I had a dream about you. I was a small business owner, and you were also a small business owner. The difference was I was a sole proprietor, and you were a midget.
I had a dream about you. You were a her named Penny, but you were even more worthless than a cent. And I was a businessman who owned coin-operated used bubblegum dispensers.
I had a dream about you. We were discussing trade routes and power supply logistics when all of the sudden we realized that a dragon could provide both transportation and a fiery energy source. So we did what any business partners would do—we calle...
I had a dream about you. You owned a taco stand, and I looked like a pile of meat, cheese, lettuce, sour cream, and hot sauce. I resented you, and you wanted to enslave me.
I had a dream about you. You started a business, and I finished one. You made Finish Line tape, and I made Starting Blocks.
I had a dream about you. You were a sad snowman who couldn’t cry because your eye rain was too cold, and I was a used ice-cream salesman. Hanging out with you was the first time I cuddled with a tri-glob of snow like it was a cat. Fur is more fun t...
I had a dream about you. You were a pack of kittens, and I was what the villagers referred to as the “Cuddle Monster.” You ran and ran and ran, and when you got tired, I took all of you off the treadmill and snuggled you like you were a pack of f...
I had a dream about you. I was a consumer, and you were a consumed. My grocery list had 10 items on it. Items 1-9 were cat food, and the 10th item was condoms. But not for sex—they were to store my leftovers, as Tupperware had been decreed illegal ...
I had a dream about you. You were naked except for a fur coat. You kept meowing at me to pet you.
I had a dream about you. You had hair like dandelion blowball, and I was one hurricane sneeze away from making you bald. You may have been in danger of losing your hair, but at least you would have more children than Charlemagne.
I had a dream about you. We made love like Christmas on December 26. We made it, but we missed it.
I had a dream about you. You were eating a salad with lots of lettuce and tomatoes. All that green and red reminded me of Christmas, and I began to cry. You thought the saltwater coming out of my eyes was draining the world’s oceans, which you perc...
I had a dream about you. You made the coffee and I made love to your sister. Everybody agrees: we need more cream.
I had a dream about you. You brought me coffee. I brought you misery. It was Starbucks’ coffee, so I thought it was a fair trade.
I had a dream about you. You were drinking coffee, and I was eating coffee with a spoon, like soup. You thought I must be hungry, and you were right—I was hungry for your body. You had woken up my desire.
I had a dream about you. I was drinking a cup of coffee, and you were a cup of coffee in the process of taking over a man. I thought I was consuming you, but you were conquering me.
I had a dream about you. You were my main competition for the 2014 Rocking Chair Race Championship Series. It’s the most movement you can make without actually moving anywhere. I won that race—and I lost—because no surprise, we all tied.
I had a dream about you. You were drinking apple juice, and I was drinking horse piss, though the spectators in the stadium couldn’t tell who was drinking what, even though one million dollars for guessing correctly was on the line.
