Tallahassee: My mama always told me someday I'd be good at something. Who'd a guessed that something'd be zombie-killing? Columbus: Probably nobody.
Tallahassee: [to Columbus] You can do anything you want to a man, but do not fuck with his Cadillac!
Columbus: [in voice-over] Tallahassee firmly believes that you have to blow off steam in Zombieland... or else you'll lose what's left of your mind. Well, if it makes him happy and keeps him from using that crowbar on me, then I say "Hey, go ape shit...
Columbus: [while running towards Tallahasse and being chased by a zombie] Don't swing, don't swing! [slides under Tallahasse's baseball bat] Columbus: Swing!
Tallahassee: Hey, a little help with movin' the couch. We're makin' a fort.
Bill Murray: You are staring at me. It's a hairpiece! It's a piece. Wichita: It's - I'm sorry. No, it's just that you look remarkably like Eddie Van Halen. Bill Murray: I just saw Eddie Van Halen. Wichita: Nuh-uh. Tallahassee: Really? Bill Murray: Ye...
Columbus: Yeah, I shave every morning but sometimes by like 4:30 I'll have a thing. I mean, I know it's called a five o'clock shadow but sometimes I'll get it prematurely.
Columbus: I could tell she knew what I was feeling, we all are orphans in Zombieland.
Columbus: [a zombie kills an obese man] Poor fat bastard.
Tallahassee: Where are the fucking Twinkies?
Tallahassee: There's a box of Twinkies in that grocery store. Not just any box of Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date. Some day very soon, Life's little ...
Tallahassee: Wow, these fellas really let themselves go. Columbus: And they're so fat.
Tallahassee: ...The day he was born I just lost my mind.
Tallahassee: Come on! Anybody hungry? Tallahassee's nice this time of year!
Wichita: You have just survived the zombie apocalypse and drove half way across the country... where are you gonna go? Little Rock: [sticks arms up in air] I'm going to Pacific Playland! Woo!
Tallahassee: Here's the deal: I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch.
Tallahassee: You've got a pretty mouth. [hits a zombie with a banjo]
Columbus: In those moments where you're not quite sure if the undead are really dead, dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. Woulda... could...
