Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray? Tallahassee: I've never hit a kid before. I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is. Little Rock: Who's Gandhi?
Bill Murray: [dying] Is that you say hello where you come from? Columbus: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't believe I shot Bill Murray. Tallahassee: Mr. Murray? Bill Murray: I'm just Bill, I think, now. Tallahassee: Bill? Bill Murray: Yeah? Tallahassee...
Tallahassee: I'm not great at farewells, so, uh, that'll do, pig. Columbus: That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard, and you stole it from a movie.
Columbus: The first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties.
[last lines] Columbus: So until next time, remember: Cardio, seat belts, and this really has nothing to do with anything, but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. I'm Columbus, Ohio from Zombieland, saying good night.
Tallahassee: [discovers Hostess truck filled with Sno-Balls] Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Sno Balls? Where's the fucking Twinkies? Columbus: I love Sno-Balls. Tallahassee: I hate coconut. Not the taste, consistency. Columbus: [eats a Sno Ball] Fresh. Tallah...
[from trailer] Tallahassee: Time to nut up or shut up!
Tallahassee: [referring to Wichita and Little Rock, who previously hijacked them] They're in the back, aren't they? Little Rock: [pops up holding shotgun] Just me. Columbus: I'm really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger... Tallahassee: You got tak...
Tallahassee: Are you fucking with me? Columbus: Uh, no. You should actually limber up as well. Especially if we're going down that hill. It is very important. Tallahassee: I don't believe in it. You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a ga...
Columbus: [to Tallahassee] You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab.
Little Rock: Have you heard about Pacific Playland? There are no zombies there. Columbus: The amusement park? Little Rock: Yep! Tallahassee: That place totally blows! [Little Rock and Wichita shoot Tallahassee angry looks] Tallahassee: ... my mind. J...
Columbus: [after his neighbor changes into a zombie] You see? You just can't trust anyone. The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.
Tallahassee: Goddamn it, Bill fucking Murray! I had to get that out. I don't mean to gush. This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. Maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. You know, I swear, I've seen every one of y...
Tallahassee: [to Columbus] You're thinking about fucking Wichita! [ignores Columbus' taken-aback "no" gesture] Tallahassee: Hey, wish granted. She's spent the last twenty-four hours fucking us both.
Tallahassee: [Columbus kisses Wichita] Finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck.
Columbus: Take away a man's son, you've truly given him nothing left to lose. Tallahassee: I haven't cried like that since "Titanic."
Tallahassee: [Searching for Twinkies] Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?
[from trailer] Wichita: Let's play the quiet game. Columbus: I've actually been meaning to ask you, have you been to Columbus, because I've been trying to... Wichita: Have you never played the quiet game?
