Withnail: [Withnail sees Marwood eating some brownish fluid out of a bowl with a spoon] You've got soup. Why didn't I get any soup? Marwood: Coffee. Withnail: Why don't you use a cup like any other human being? Marwood: Why don't you wash up occasion...
Danny: This pill's valued at two quid. Withnail: Two quid? You're out of your mind. Marwood: That's sense, Withnail. Withnail: You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you're doing it!
[Marwood is in the pub toilets, after walking past a hulking Irishman who's called him a ponce] Marwood: [voiceover] I could hardly piss straight with fear. Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. What had I done to o...
Withnail: How can it be so cold in here? It's like Greenland in here. We've got to get some booze. It's the only solution to this intense cold. Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this. I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum. ...
Withnail: I've got a bastard behind the eyes.
Marwood: You know what we should do? I say, you know what we should do? Withnail: How can I possibly know what we should do? What should we do? Marwood: Get out of it for a while. Get into countryside, rejuvenate. Withnail: Rejuvenate? I'm in a park ...
Withnail: [spits onto the ground] Jesus, look at that. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. I must be ill.
Irishman: [as Marwood walks past him] PONCE.
Marwood: Don't vent spleen on me, I'm in the same boat! Withnail: Stop saying that! You're not in the same boat. The only thing you're in that I've been in is this fucking bath!
Danny: Has he just been busted? Marwood: No. Danny: Then why's he wearing that old suit? Withnail: Old suit? This suit was cut by Hawkes of Savile Row. Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your fucking appendix doesn't mean anyth...
Monty: [shouting at his cat] You beastly little parasite, how dare you! You little thug! How dare you! Beastly, ungrateful little swine!
Uncle Monty: Indeed, I remember my first agent. Raymond Duck. This dreadful little Israelite. Four floors up on the Charing Cross road and never a job at the top of them.
[Monty's cat jumps onto the sofa] Uncle Monty: Get that damned little swine out of here! [he lunges at it and it runs off] Uncle Monty: It's trying to get itself in with you, it's trying for even more advantage! It's obsessed with its gut, it's like ...
[Marwood knocks on the door of a farmhouse. An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door] Mrs. Parkin: What do you want? Marwood: I'm a friend of Montague Withnail's. He's lent us his cottage. I wondered if you could sell...
[Mr Parkin is sitting on his tractor with one leg wrapped from thigh to ankle in a plastic fertiliser bag. He winces as he stretches his leg] Marwood: What happened to your leg? Isaac Parkin: Got a randy bull up there. Gave it what it need.
Uncle Monty: The older order changeth, yielding place to new. God fulfils himself in many ways. And soon, I suppose, I shall be swept away by some vulgar little tumour. Oh, my boys, my boys, we're at the end of an age. We live in a land of weather fo...
Marwood: Where is he? Withnail: Sulking up the hill. He says he won't come in for lunch without an apology. Marwood: Suits me, he can eat his fucking radish. Uncle Monty: [suddenly appearing at Marwood's shoulder] It's all your fault. You lead him as...
Uncle Monty: I'm preparing myself to forgive you.
