Jake: Now, look, you. Them pheasants are for his pot. These eels are for my pot. Now, what makes you think I should give you something for your pot? Withnail: What pot? Marwood: Our cooking pot. Jake: Ah, he knows. Hey, give us a wheeze on that fag. ...
Marwood: We're leaving in half an hour. Withnail: Half an hour? Don't be ridiculous. I need at least an hour for lunch.
Withnail: [after an altercation with Jake the poacher] If I see that silage heap hanging about up here, I'LL TAKE THE BASTARD AXE TO HIM! [he yells into the valley, his words echo] Withnail: BASTARDS! YOU'LL ALL SUFFER! I'LL SHOW THE LOT OF YOU! I'M ...
Withnail: Monty used to act. Monty: Well, I'd hardly say that. It's true, I crept the boards in my youth. But I never really had it in my blood, and that's what's so essential, isn't it, theatrical zeal in the veins. Alas I have little more than vint...
Withnail: Jesus. You're covered in shit.
Marwood: How come Monty owns such a horrible little shack? Withnail: No idea. Marwood: You never discuss your family do you? Withnail: I fail to see my family's of any interest to you. I've absolutely no interest in yours. I dislike relatives in gene...
Marwood: [has just read the sorrowful note Monty has left] Poor old bastard. Withnail: I would say. Now that represents a degree of hypocrisy I've hitherto suspected in you, but have not noticed due to highly evasive skills.
Marwood: [voiceover] Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. Time change. You lose, you gain. Makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. But sooner or later you've got to get out because it's cra...
Withnail: Listen, I know what you're thinking but I had no alternative. The old bugger's come a long way and I didn't want to put the wind up him. Marwood: Your sensitivity overwhelms me. If you think you're going to have a weekend's indulgence up he...
[Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid] Marwood: I wouldn't drink that if I was you. Withnail: Why not? Marwood: Because I don't advise it. Even the wankers on the site wouldn't drink that, that's worse than meths. Withnail: Nonsense. This is a...
Barman: Time, gents, please. Withnail: Alright, we're going to have to work quickly. [to barman] Withnail: A pair of quadruple whiskies and another pair of pints, please.
Withnail: [after having entirely covered himself in muscle embrocation to keep warm] Have you been at the controls? Marwood: What are you talking about? Withnail: The thermostats. What have you done to them? Marwood: I haven't touched them. Withnail:...
[Jake has left a dead hare hanging on the cottage door, along with a note] Monty: [reading the note] "Here. Hare. Here."
Marwood: What happened to your cigar commercial? Withnail: That's what I want to know! What happened to my cigar commercial? What happened to my agent? Bastard must have died. Marwood: September. It's a bad patch. Withnail: Rubbish. Haven't seen Giel...
[They drive past some schoolgirls] Withnail: [leaning out the car window] SCRUBBERS! Schoolgirl: Up yours, grandad! Withnail: SCRUBBERS! SCRUBBERS! Marwood: Shut up. Withnail: Little tarts, they love it.
Marwood: [after trying the Camberwell Carrot] Give me a downer, Danny. My brain's capsizing, I've gotta unfuck my brain! Danny: Change down, man. Find your neutral space. You got a rush. It'll pass. Be seated. Marwood: Aren't you getting absurdly hig...
[repeated line] Withnail: How dare you. How DARE you!
Withnail: I will say one thing for Monty, he keeps a sensational cellar!
