[Withnail and Marwood are lying in bed together, listening to a man coming inside the cottage. Withnail is cowering under the covers]
Withnail: [whispering] He's going into your room. It's you he wants. Offer him yourself.
[the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch]
Withnail: [screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning] We mean no harm!
Uncle Monty: Oh, my boys, my boys, forgive me.
Marwood: [relieved] Monty! Monty, Monty!
Withnail: MONTY, YOU TERRIBLE CUNT!
Uncle Monty: Forgive me, it was inconsiderate of me not to have telegrammed.
Withnail: WHAT ARE YOU DOING PROWLING AROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT?