Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend t...
[after Sally fakes orgasm in a deli] Older Woman Customer: [to waiter] I'll have what she's having.
Harry Burns: It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.
Harry Burns: I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Sally Albright: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side. Harry Burns: That's what drew her to me. Sally Albright: Your dark side? Harry Burns: Sure. Why? Don't you have a dark side? I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their "i's...
Sally Albright: Well, basically it's the same dream I've been having since I was twelve. Harry Burns: Which is? Sally Albright: Okay, there's this guy... Harry Burns: What does he look like? Sally Albright: I don't know, he's just sort of faceless. H...
Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance. Sally Albright: Which one am I? Harry Burns: You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance. Sally Albright: I don't see that. Harry...
Sally Albright: You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you.
[Harry and Sally discussing orgasms] Sally Albright: Most women at one time or another have faked it. Harry Burns: Well, they haven't faked it with me. Sally Albright: How do you know? Harry Burns: Because I know. Sally Albright: Oh. Right. Thats rig...
Harry Burns: The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) not at home, (b) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), pleas...
Harry Burns: Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East G...
Harry Burns: You take someone to the airport, its clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship. Sally Albright: Why? Harry Burns: Because eventually things move on a...
Jess: Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong. Harry Burns: Oh really? Well, that "symptom" is fucking my wife.
Harry Burns: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you. Sally Albright: What? Harry Burns: I love you. Sally Albright: How do you expect me to respond to this? Harry Burns: How about, you love me too. Sally Albright: How about, ...
Sally Albright: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants. Harry Burns: Ehhhh. I'm sorry. I need the judges ruling on this. "Days of the weeks underpants"? Sally Albright: Yes. They had th...
Harry Burns: With whom did you have this great sex? Sally Albright: I'm not going to tell you that. Harry Burns: Fine, don't tell me. Sally Albright: Shel Gordon. Harry Burns: Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon. Sally Albr...
Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again. Jess: You will never have to be out there again.
Marie: Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste.
