Bree: I got a phone call last night from a juvenile inmate of the New York prison system. He claimed to be Stanley's son. Margaret: No third-person. [brief pause] Bree: My son.
Toby: Your parent's house is a lot nicer. Bree Osbourne: My parent's house comes with my parents.
Bree Osbourne: My body may be a work-in-progress, but there is nothing wrong with my soul.
Bree Osbourne: [Getting ready to face her parents] Shit. I mean darn. No, I mean shit.
Toby: Beauty is relative. Bree Osbourne: Not my relatives.
Bree Osbourne: Just because a person doesn't go around blabbing her entire biological history to everyone she meets doesn't make her a liar.
Dr. Spikowsky: How do you feel about your penis? Bree Osbourne: [giving up] It disgusts me. I don't even like looking at it. Dr. Spikowsky: What about friends? Bree Osbourne: They don't like it either. Dr. Spikowsky: No, I mean do you have the suppor...
[Bree gestures at heart, crying] Bree Osbourne: It hurts. Margaret: Oh, honey, that's what hearts do.
[the Hitchhiker steals Bree's car] Toby: Oh shit! Bree Osbourne: My purse. My hormones! You dirty motherfucking hippie! Toby: My dog book was in that car.
Toby: I'm out of cigarettes. Bree Osbourne: Quel dommage. Toby: What's quel dommage mean? Bree Osbourne: It means you're not getting any cigarettes.
Taylor's Father: [after Toby and Taylor are caught making out in a diner] You better watch him before he gets some poor innocent girl in trouble! Bree Osbourne: Yeah, well make sure she doesn't ruin some poor innocent boy's life!
Toby: You're gonna cut your dick off for Jesus? Bree Osbourne: They don't "cut it off!" It just becomes an innie instead of an outtie.
Sydney: There's this scruffy looking kid outside. If he's your boyfriend, I'm totally going to slit my wrists. Elizabeth Osbourne: That dirty-looking boy who came to the door a second ago is your boyfriend? How old is he? Bree Osbourne: 17. Elizabeth...
Calvin: [when Bree coughs after drinking mescal] That'll put hair on your chest. Bree Osbourne: [clasps hands as if praying] Hope not. [laughs]
Bree Osbourne: What are you doing? Toby: What I'm good at.
Transman at party: We walk among you.
Bree Osbourne: Eat your vegetables Toby: [Toby starts eating with his hands] Bree Osbourne: And might wanna use a fork. Just an idea.
[from trailer] Murray: Your mother and I both love you. Elizabeth Osbourne: But we don't respect you!
