Louis Winthorpe III: [after ruining the Dukes] Happy New Year! Randolph Duke: [hoarsely] Winthorpe. Mortimer Duke: [stunned] Valentine. Billy Ray Valentine: Hey! How'd y'all make out today? Mortimer Duke: How could you do this to us after everything ...
Billy Ray Valentine: [after breaking a vase] Hey, sorry about that. Randolph Duke: It's perfectly all right William. It was your vase. Billy Ray Valentine: That was a cheap vase, right? That was a fake? Right? Randolph Duke: I believe we paid $35,000...
Billy Ray Valentine: [while acting blind and legless] Hey, baby, what's happening? How are ya doing? Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby. I know what you're thinkin'. You seen "Porgy and Bess"? [the woman begins to walk away] Bi...
Officer Reynolds: Strip, you little shit, before I tear you a new asshole!
Billy Ray Valentine: [Billy Ray is in jail] I wish my bitches would get here. I ain't got time to be sitting in this cell with you. Even Bigger Black Guy: Where are your bitches, Mr. Big-Time Pimp? Big Black Guy: Yeah! Billy Ray Valentine: [to cellma...
Beeks: Hey. Back off! I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain.
Billy Ray Valentine: [after demonstrating some fake karate moves] That's called the "quart of blood" technique. You do that, a quart of blood will drop out of a man's body.
Corrupt Cop: [finds a baggie in Winthorpe's coat at his arrest] One cellophane bag... Louis Winthorpe III: Now that's not mine! I've never seen that before in my life! Corrupt Cop: [takes some PCP out of the baggie and tastes it] That's PCP! Phencycl...
Harvey: Monkey? MONKEY! I'm a fucking gorilla, you clown!
Billy Ray Valentine: [watches cops subduing an unruly suspect] May I suggest using your night stick officer?
Bunny: And she stepped on the ball.
Billy Ray Valentine: [after Ophelia and Coleman stop Louis from choking Billy Ray] Billy Ray Valentine: [gasping] Billy Ray Valentine: It was an experiment... to see how our lives would turn out... the Dukes arranged it... they made a bet. Coleman: I...
Baggage Handler #1: I'm dressed as uh, as a baggage handler. Baggage Handler #2: You can imagine how embarrassed I was, when I saw someone at the party with the same costume I had.
Beeks: This is as far as we go. No more cockamamie cigar smoke. No more Swedish meatballs there, tootsie. And no more phony Irish whiskey. No more goddamn jerky beef! The party's over. Harvey: The party's over? Hey, come on! What do you mean, the par...
[first lines] Coleman: [holding a breakfast tray while Louis is still asleep] Your breakfast, sir.
Randolph Duke: That man is a product of a poor environment. There's nothing wrong with him, I can prove it. Mortimer Duke: Of course there's something wrong with him... he's a Negro!
Newscaster on TV: In charge of security, Mr Clarence Beeks of Lyndhurst Security. Billy Ray Valentine: [speaking in perfect unison with Louis] Clarence Beeks! Louis Winthorpe III: [speaking in perfect unison with Billy Ray] Clarence Beeks!
Ophelia: The only thing I've got going for me, is this body, this face, and what I got up here. I don't do drugs. And I don't have a pimp. Louis Winthorpe III: This place is a dump. Ophelia: But it's cheap, it's clean and it's all mine.
