Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and... Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten? Nigel Tufnel: Exactly. Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder? Nigel Tu...
Nigel Tufnel: It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black.
[Nigel is playing a soft piece on the piano] Marty DiBergi: It's very pretty. Nigel Tufnel: Yeah, I've been fooling around with it for a few months. Marty DiBergi: It's a bit of a departure from what you normally play. Nigel Tufnel: It's part of a tr...
Marty DiBergi: David St. Hubbins... I must admit I've never heard anybody with that name. David St. Hubbins: It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's not a very well known saint. Marty DiBergi: Oh, there actually is, uh... there was ...
[When asked what happened to their first drummer] David St. Hubbins: He died in a bizarre gardening accident... Nigel Tufnel: Authorities said... best leave it... unsolved.
[Reading a review of Spinal Tap's latest album] Marty DiBergi: "This pretentious ponderous collection of religious rock psalms is enough to prompt the question, 'What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't he have rested on that day too?'"
Ian Faith: Nigel gave me a drawing that said 18 inches. Now, whether or not he knows the difference between feet and inches is not my problem. I do what I'm told. David St. Hubbins: But you're not as confused as him are you. I mean, it's not your job...
David St. Hubbins: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf*. Alright? That ten...
Marty DiBergi: "This tasteless cover is a good indication of the lack of musical invention within. The musical growth of this band cannot even be charted. They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry." Nigel Tufnel: That's ju...
Derek Smalls: We're very lucky in the band in that we have two visionaries, David and Nigel, they're like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They're two distinct types of visionaries, it's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be...
Bobbi Flekman: You put a *greased naked woman* on all fours with a dog collar around her neck, and a leash, and a man's arm extended out up to here, holding onto the leash, and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff it. You don't find that offens...
Lt. Hookstratten: This is our monthly "At Ease" weekend. It gives us a chance to let our hair down, although I see you've got a head start in that department. I shouldn't talk, though, I'm getting a little shaggy myself. I'd better not stand too clos...
Lt. Hookstratten: May I start by saying how thrilled we are to have you here. We are such fans of your music and all of your records. I'm not speaking of yours personally, but the whole genre of the rock and roll.
[discussing Nigel's Guitar collection] Nigel Tufnel: Look... still has the old tag on, never even played it. Marty DiBergi: [points his finger] You've never played...? Nigel Tufnel: Don't touch it! Marty DiBergi: We'll I wasn't going to touch it, I w...
Nigel Tufnel: You can't really dust for vomit.
[Marty compliments Nigel on his tee shirt] Nigel Tufnel: You like this? Marty DiBergi: It's very nice. It looks like hollow wood. Nigel Tufnel: This is my exact inner structure, done in a tee shirt. Exactly medically accurate. See? Marty DiBergi: So ...
[last lines] Nigel Tufnel: [on what he would do if he couldn't be a rock star] Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind, or... or do, uh, freelance, uh, selling of some sort of, uh, product. You know... Marty DiBergi: A salesman? Nige...
[Nigel, introducing the Stonehenge theme concert] Nigel Tufnel: In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing...
