Mark Hanna: I want to jerk off - but that's not why I do it. I do it because I NEED to.
Mark Hanna: You jerk off? How many times a week do you jerk off? Jordan Belfort: Yeah, yeah I jerk off. Uh, I don't know like 2, 3 times a week? Mark Hanna: Ok, you're going to want to raise those numbers. You're in the fucking minor leagues. Me, I j...
Jordan Belfort: Everybody needs something. Alden Kupferberg: Nah, Amish and Buddhists don't need a thing. Jordan Belfort: I'm not talking about Amish and Buddhists, I'm talking about ordinary blue-collar people who want to get rich and own stuff!
Max Belfort: This is obscene! Jordan Belfort: I was obscene, in the real world. But who the fuck wanted to live there?
Jordan Belfort: Even though I own 85% of Steve Cocksucking Motherfucking Madden Shoes, the shares were in his fucking name!
Jean Jacques Saurel: You American shit!
[first lines] Jordan Belfort: [in an ad] The world of investing can be a jungle. Bulls. Bears. Danger at every turn. That's why we at Stratton Oakmont pride ourselves on being the best. Trained professionals to guide you through the financial wildern...
Jordan Belfort: You wanna know what money sounds like? Go to a trading floor on wall street. Fuck this, shit that. Cunt, cock, asshole. I couldn't believe how these guys talked to each other! I was hooked in seconds. It was like mainlining adrenelin.
Jordan Belfort: [after shipwreck] The nice thing about being rescued by Italians is that they feed you, make you drink red wine, then you get to dance.
Donnie Azoff: [masturbates to Naomi] Perfect... Jordan Belfort: Donnie, what the fuck are you doing you piece of shit? [beats down Donnie] Jordan Belfort: [to Naomi] You have to excuse my friend.
Jordan Belfort: [on getting arrested] I'm sober for two years, stopped my drugs, settled down with my wife and kids, and then this happens! Rugrat gets busted down in Miami, and guess who happens to be with him? Saurel! That's right, out of all the S...
Jordan Belfort: After 15 years in storage, the lemons had developed a delayed fuse. It took 90 minutes for these fuckers to kick in but once they did POW, and I had skipped the tingle phase and jumped straight to the drool phase. These little bastard...
Jordan Belfort: [gets a wire] It wasn't even a choice.
Donnie Azoff: [raves at Brad] You're gonna knock whose fucking teeth in? Whose fucking teeth are you gonna knock in? I put the money on that fucking table, not you! Jordan Belfort: He's got a gun you fucking idiot! Donnie Azoff: Fuck his gun!
Donnie Azoff: The IRS, they allow for T&A, it's fine. Max Belfort: T&E. T and E. It's T and E!
Donnie Azoff: I hate that fuckin' dog. Jordan Belfort: Yeah, it's getting old and decrepit. It's startin' to shit in the house again. Donnie Azoff: Me too.
