Ethel: What are you talking about? Chas: The apartment. I have to get some new sprinklers and a back-up security system installed. Ethel: But there are no sprinklers here either. Chas: We might have to do something about that too.
Uzi Tenenbaum: Who's your father? Chas: His name is Royal Tenenbaum. Ari: You told us he was already dead. Chas: Yeah, well, now he's really dying.
Eli: [hearing the news that Royal is dying] I am very sorry, Margot. Margot: It's okay. We're not actually related anyway. Eli: True.
Richie: Did you tell Margot about that letter I wrote to you? Eli: Why? Did she mention it? Yes, I did. Why would have she repeated that, I wonder? Richie: Well, I would ask you the same question. Eli: Rightly so.
Eli: What'd you say? Richie: Hmm? Eli: What? Richie: I didn't say anything. Eli: When? Right now? [a pause] Eli: I'm sorry, don't listen to me. I'm on mescaline. I've been spaced out all day. Richie: Did you say you're on mescaline? Eli: I did, indee...
[after seeing Royal asleep on a hospital bed with a heart monitor and IV at his bedside] Chas: Get out.
[the priest breaks his ankle and is being loaded into the ambulance] Raleigh: Do you have an alternate? Priest: No. Raleigh: Are there priests on call?
Chas: Please don't get in the middle of this, Mr. Sherman. This is a family matter. Margot: Don't talk to him like that. Henry Sherman: Call me Henry. Chas: I prefer Mr. Sherman. Ethel: Call him Henry. Chas: Why? I don't know him that well. Ethel: Yo...
Eli: Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?
[Pagoda stabs Royal] Royal: That's the last time you put a knife in me! Y'hear me?
Royal: First thing I want to do is take you out to see your grandmother, at some point. Richie: I haven't been out there since I was 6. Margot: I haven't been out there at all, I was never invited. Royal: Well, she wasn't your real grandmother, and I...
Ethel: Raleigh says you've been spending 6 hours a day locked in here, watching television and soaking in the tub. Margot: [lying in the bath] I doubt that. Ethel: Well, I don't think that's very healthy, do you? Nor do I think it's very intelligent ...
Raleigh: Are you ever coming home? Margot: Maybe not. Raleigh: You're joking. Margot: No. Raleigh: Well, I want to die.
Ari: [about Margot's severed finger] Did you try to sew it back on? Margot: Wasn't worth it.
Royal: Are you trying to steal my woman? Henry Sherman: I beg your pardon? Royal: You heard me, Coltrane. Henry Sherman: Coltrane? Royal: What? Henry Sherman: Did you just call me Coltrane? Royal: No. Henry Sherman: You didn't? Royal: No. Henry Sherm...
Richie: I'm going to kill myself tomorrow.
Royal: So, what do you think of this big old black buck moving in up there? Richie: Who? Royal: Henry Sherman. You know him? Richie: Yeah. Royal: Is he worth a damn? Richie: I believe so.
Royal: [to Etheline, about Henry] I didn't think so much of him at first. But now I get it, he's everything that I'm not.
