Max Bialystock: Who are you and why are you loitering in my hallway? Leo Bloom: [is silent] Max Bialystock: Well? Speak dummy! Speak! Leo Bloom: [gapsing] ... can't... scared...
Drunk: Eternally grateful... A TOAST! Max Bialystock: A TOAST! Leo Bloom: A TOAST... to what? Drunk: To... to toast, I love toast. Max Bialystock: To toast. Leo Bloom: To toast.
Hold me, Touch me: Oh, hold me! Touch me! Max Bialystock: Thursday! Thursday!
Hold me, Touch me: And after that, we'll play, "The Abduction and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia", and I'll be Lucretia. Max Bialystock: And I'll be Rape!
Hold me, Touch me: I heard the Count fired you this morning - watch the road, watch the road. Max Bialystock: [stops making car noises] Oh, Countess, I can't take my eyes off you! How can I drive when you drive me mad? Mad! [continues making car nois...
Max Bialystock: [reading post-show telegrams] "Congratulations! Hitler will run forever."
Roger De Bris: Wait! This is a decision that could effect my entire life! I shall have to think about it. [pauses for one second] Roger De Bris: I'll do it.
Max Bialystock: Listen. Every night people are laughing at your beloved Fuhrer. Why? Franz Liebkind: It's that L.S.D., und his verdampter "babies"!
Ulla: [Sees Max and Leo and takes off dress] We make love? Max Bialystock: No, we don't make love. Go to work. [Ulla starts dancing to music on record player]
Max Bialystock: Have I ever steered you wrong? Franz Liebkind: Always. Max Bialystock: Never mind.
Leo Bloom: There, there. Franz Liebkind: [crying] Where, where?
Hold me, Touch me: Oh Bialy, Bialy, darling, did I hurt you? Max Bialystock: It's only a flesh wound, lambchop.
Leo Bloom: Hysterical attacks have a way of severely depleting one's blood sugar. Max Bialystock: They certainly do... they certainly do!
Max Bialystock: Don't you see, darling Bloom, glorious Bloom? It's so simple. STEP ONE: We find the worst play ever written, a surefire flop. STEP TWO: I raise a million bucks. Lots of little old ladies out there. STEP THREE: You go back to work on t...
Max Bialystock: [on "Springtime For Hitler"] ... It's practically a love-letter to Hitler! Leo Bloom: Wow. This play wouldn't run a NIGHT! Max Bialystock: A night? Are you kidding? This play's guaranteed to close on PAGE FOUR!
Lorenzo St. DuBois: I would like to sing this song, it's about love, and hate. Psychedelically speaking I am talking about the power.
Max Bialystock: What did it get me? I'm wearing a cardboard belt.
Leo Bloom: Do you think he'll take the job? Max Bialystock: ONLY if we ask him.
