Max Bialystock: Oooooooh, I WANT THAT MONEY!
Max Bialystock: This pin used to hold a pearl the size of your eye. Look at me now, LOOK AT ME NOW! I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
Lorenzo St. DuBois: Lorenzo, baby. Lorenzo St. DuBois. But my friends call me L.S.D.
Franz Liebkind: Gentlemen. Ve have here a technical problem. Hmm? I do not know if vat ve have here is ze quick burning fuse or ze slow buring fuse. Ja, ja, I must find zis out. [snips dynamite fuse] Franz Liebkind: Zis is critical. [lights fuse with...
Max Bialystock: Here's to failure Leo Bloom: ...To failure Drunk: Why, thank you! You're very kind!
Lorenzo St. DuBois: [after Goebbels throws a reefer into a vase, and a large explosion occurs] They try; man, how they try!
Franz Liebkind: Der Führer does not say, "Achtung, baby."
Franz Liebkind: Baby! Baby!... Why does he say this "baby"? The Führer has never said "baby". I did not write, "baby". What is it with this, "baby"?
Leo Bloom: [reading the title of the play for the first time] "Springtime for Hitler" a gay romp with Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden... Wow!
Hold me, Touch me: [locking the door to Max's office] Let's fool around.
Hold me, Touch me: Hold me! Touch me! Max Bialystock: [pulling her into his office] Not in the hall!
Leo Bloom: [after a fight with Max] I'm sorry I called you "Fat, fat, fat".
[performing in the play] Doc Goebbels: Danke schön, mein Führer. Lorenzo St. DuBois: Hey, you're a German. Doc Goebbels: We're all Germans. Lorenzo St. DuBois: That's right. [gasps] Lorenzo St. DuBois: That means we CANNOT attack Germany.
Roger De Bris: What have you done, L.S.D.? Lorenzo St. DuBois: About six months... but I'm on probation, so it's all good, baby! Roger De Bris: No, I mean, what do you do best? Lorenzo St. DuBois: I can't do that here. That's why they put me away, ba...
Max Bialystock: Ulla! Go get car! Ulla: Ja, ja! We go to motel? Max Bialystock: No. I go with Mr. Bloom. Ulla: You and Mr. Bloom go to motel? Max Bialystock: No! Get car! Ulla: Get car!
[holding a gun to his head] Franz Liebkind: Soon, I shall be with mein Führer... and Himmler. I'm coming to join you boys!
[singing as Hitler in the play] Lorenzo St. DuBois: One and one's two/ Two and two's four/ I feel so bad 'cause I'm losin' the war!
[last lines] Max Bialystock: Sing it out, men! Higher, you animals, higher! We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!
