Gilbert: Can I help? Iris Henderson: Only by going away. Gilbert: No, no, no, no. My father always taught me, never desert a lady in trouble. He even carried that as far as marrying Mother.
Gilbert: I'm about as popular as a dose of strychnine.
Iris Henderson: You're the most contemptible person I've ever met in all my life! Gilbert: Confidentially, I think you're a bit of a stinker, too.
Gilbert: Come on, sit down, take it easy. What's the trouble? Iris Henderson: If you must know, something fell on my head. Gilbert: When, infancy?
Miss Froy: I never think you should judge any country by its politics. After all, we English are quite honest by nature, aren't we?
Iris Henderson: I've no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everything. I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs. I've played baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean. What is there left for me but marriage?
Iris: Boris? Miss Henderson speaking. Look, someone upstairs is playing musical chairs with an elephant. Move one of them out, will you? I want to get some sleep.
Charters: You can't expect to put the two of us up in the maid's room. Hotel Manager: Well don't get excited. I'll remove the maid out.
Charters: If only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest. Caldicott: Well, I don't want to rub it in, but if you hadn't insisted on standing up until they'd finished their national anthem... Charters: Yes, but you must show respect, Caldicott. If I'...
Iris Henderson: I was having tea about an hour ago with an English lady. You saw her, didn't you? Charters: Well, I don't know, I mean, I was talking to my friend, wasn't I? Caldicott: Indubitably. Iris Henderson: Yes, but you were sitting at the nex...
Iris Henderson: Did you notice the nun in there with the patient? Gilbert: No, not really... Iris Henderson: Nuns don't wear high heels.
Caldicott: [because the hotel is full, Charters and Caldicott have been forced to share the maid's room] They might at least have given us one each? Charters: What? Caldicott: The room at least.
'Mrs.' Margaret Todhunter: [having been given the choice between a double or two single rooms, Eric Todhunter has hastily chosen the two singles] You might at least have asked which one I preferred. Eric Todhunter: Please Margaret, a double room in a...
Gilbert: What was she wearing? Scotch tweeds wasn't it? Iris Henderson: Oatmeal tweeds. Gilbert: I knew it had something to do with porridge.
Gilbert: [wearing a deerstalker and brandishing a calabash pipe] Let's marshal the facts over a pipeful of Baker Street shag.
Dr. Hartz: And I am Dr. Egon Hartz; you may have heard of me. Gilbert: Not the brain surgeon? Dr. Hartz: Yes, the same. Gilbert: Yes, you flew over to England the other day and operated on one of our cabinet ministers. Dr. Hartz: Oh, yes. Gilbert: Te...
Iris: [Following Miss Froy back to her compartment] Thank you for looking after me when I was - well, knocked out before. Miss Froy: Never mind, dear. Now if I were you I'd try to get a little sleep. It'll make you feel quite well again! There's a mo...
Iris Henderson: Must you follow me around like a pet dog?
