The King of Comedy Quotes

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Rupert Pupkin: Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime.

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Rupert Pupkin: The more scribbled the name, the bigger the fame.

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Rupert Pupkin: I know, Jerry, that you are as human as the rest of us, if not more so.

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Rupert Pupkin: [arguing with Masha] What about things that I did for you that no money can buy, no money can buy? What about the time I gave you my spot! You came over there, I gave you my spot! You stood there and I let you get right next to Jerry. ...

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Rupert's Mom: Rupert? What are you doing down there? Rupert Pupkin: MOM!

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Secretary: Is Mr. Langford expecting you? Rupert Pupkin: Yes, I don't think he is.

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Rupert Pupkin: Well I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Jerry Langford: So did Hitler.

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Rupert Pupkin: I'm gonna work 50 times harder, and I'm gonna be 50 times more famous than you. Jerry Langford: Then you're gonna have idiots like you plaguing your life!

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[last lines] Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the man we've all been waiting for... and waiting for. [chuckles] Announcer: Would you welcome home please television's brightest new star. The legendary, inspirational, the one and only king of ...

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Jerry Langford: I'm sure you can understand. Doing the kind of show I'm doing, it's mind-boggling. There's so much stuff that comes down... you can't keep your head clear. And if that's the case, I'm wrong. You're right. I'm wrong. If I'm wrong, I ap...

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Jerry Langford: Alright, look pal, I gotta tell you... this is a crazy business, but it's not unlike any other business. There are ground rules, and you don't just walk on to a network show without experience. Now I know it's an old, hackneyed expres...

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Rupert Pupkin: Why not me? Why not? A guy can get anything he wants as long as he pays the price. What's wrong with that? Stranger things have happened.

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Masha: Do you wanna be waiting here till next Shavuos?

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Langford's Lawyer: What is the defense of kidnapping? How can you say, "I was crazy at the time"?

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[first lines] Ed Herlihy: And now, from New York, The Jerry Langford Show! With Jerry's guests Tony Randall, Richard Dreyfuss, Rodney Dangerfield, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Lou Brown and the orchestra, and little old me Ed Herlihy. And now say hello to Jer...

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Woman in Telephone Booth: [on the phone at a booth] Morris, you will not believe who is coming down here! [stops Jerry] Woman in Telephone Booth: Jerry Langford, right? Jerry Langford: Right. Woman in Telephone Booth: [talks on the phone again] Oh, M...

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Rupert Pupkin: [Jerry is trying to throw Rupert out of his home, Rupert is trying to get Jerry to see his comedy material] Alright, alright! I can take a hint, Jerry! I just wanna ask you to listen to my stuff for 15 minutes, that's all! Is that aski...

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Security Guard: [to Rupert] If your name is not on the list, we cannot let you in. These are the rules and regulations of this place.

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