Carter Chambers: Even now I cannot understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this. I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open. And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place, because he was buried ...
[Carter hands Edward an article about Kopi Luwak, Edward's favorite coffee] Carter Chambers: Read it. Edward Cole: [reading] Kopi Luwak is the world's most expensive coffee. Though for some, it falls under the category of "too good to be true." In th...
Carter Chambers: You measure yourself by the people who measure themselves by you.
Carter Chambers: [to Edward, of the two questions asked of the dead by the gods at the entrance to heaven] Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Edward Cole: Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart. Thomas: I'll keep that in mind as I approach decrepitude.
Edward Cole: [Nauseous] Somewhere, some lucky guy's having a heart attack.
Edward Cole: The simplest thing is... I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing... When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me but... the l...
Edward Cole: Do you hate me? Carter Chambers: Not yet.
Edward Cole: Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole. I don't know what most people say at these occasions because in all honesty, I've tried to avoid them. The simplest thing is I loved him and I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together, which i...
Edward Cole: I envy people who have faith, I just can't get my head around it. Carter Chambers: Maybe because your head's in the way.
Edward Cole: What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?
[from trailer] Edward Cole: We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
Edward Cole: The sequel was like that. She never backed me up on anything. Carter Chambers: The sequel? Edward Cole: The second Mrs Edward Cole. [Carter rolls his eyes] Edward Cole: Hell, that woman hated me. Kyle the parachutist: Maybe because you c...
Carter Chambers: Edward Perryman Cole died in May. It was a Sunday in the afternoon and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. He was 81 years old. Even now, I can't claim to understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this: I know that when he di...
Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart. Thomas: I'll remember that when I start "decrepitating" sir.
Carter Chambers: What are you so afraid of? Edward Cole: Just because I told you my story, does not invite you to be a part of it! Carter Chambers: Oh, like the lady in the bar? Edward Cole: That's different. Carter Chambers: Tell me how it's differe...
Dr. Hollins: How are you doing? Edward Cole: Dumb question.
