Kid #3: My Mommy says smoking kills. Nick Naylor: Oh, is your Mommy a doctor? Kid #3: No. Nick Naylor: A scientific researcher of some kind? Kid #3: No. Nick Naylor: Well, then she's hardly a credible expert, is she?
Nick Naylor: That's the beauty of argument, if you argue correctly, you're never wrong.
BR: We don't sell Tic Tacs, we sell cigarettes. And they're cool, available, and *addictive*. The job is almost done for us.
Nick Naylor: My job requires a certain... moral flexibility.
Nick Naylor: Few people on this planet knows what it is to be truly despised. Can you blame them? I earn a living fronting an organization that kills 1200 people a day. Twelve hundred people. We're talking two jumbo jet plane loads of men, women and ...
BR: People, what is going on out there? I look down this table, all I see are white flags. Our numbers are down all across the board. Teen smoking, our bread and butter, is falling like a shit from heaven! We don't sell Tic Tacs for Christ's sake. We...
Nick Naylor: [out loud] "I just need to pay the mortgage." Nick Naylor: [to self] The Yuppie Nuremberg defense.
Nick Naylor: My point is that you have to think for yourself. If your parents told you that chocolate was dangerous would you take their word for it? [Children say no] Nick Naylor: Exactly! So perhaps instead of acting like sheep when it comes to cig...
Brad: Nick, your job and everything aside, I hope you understand that second hand smoke's a real killer. Nick Naylor: What are you talking about? Brad: I just hope you're providing a smoke-free environment for Joey is all I'm saying. Nick Naylor: Bra...
Nick Naylor: These days, when someone smokes in the movies, they're either a psychopath... or a European.
Jeff Megall: Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie they're looking to make. Nick Naylor: Cigarettes in space? Jeff Megall: It's the final frontier, Nick. Nick Naylor: But wouldn't they blow up in an all oxygen environment? Jeff Megall: Probably. But it'...
Dennis Miller: Now we'll take a break. I need to fire a call screener.
Polly Bailey: You didn't tell her about us, did you? Nick Naylor: Who? Heather? No!... I mean, maybe in passing. Polly Bailey: In passing. Bobby Jay Bliss: Oh God, he fucked her. I tried to warn you... Polly Bailey: Hey, he didn't fuck her. You didn'...
Nick Naylor: After watching the footage of the Kent State shootings, Bobby Jay, then seventeen, signed up for the National Guard so that he, too, could shoot college students.
Senator Ortolan Finistirre: That's ludicrous - The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese!
BR: The rest of you people go slam your fuckin' brains against your desks until something useful comes out!
Lorne Lutch: I didn't even smoke Marlboros. I smoked Kools.
Nick Naylor: I don't have a MD or law degree. I have a bachelor's in kicking butt and taking names.
