Mr. Garrison: What is five times two? [No response from the class] Mr. Garrison: Now come on children, don't be shy, just give it your best shot. [Clive raises his hand] Clive: Twelve. Mr. Garrison: OK, now lets try to get an answer from someone who'...
Mr. Garrison: ...I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
Saddam Hussein: Let's start by building a big statue of me, right over there where that fat kid is standing. Cartman: Hey, don't call me fat buttfucker! [rays shoot from malfunctioning V-chip and kill a demon from hell] Stan: Do it Cartman! Do it! Ca...
[person speaking German on "cliteris" website] Kyle: Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on! Stan: Whoa! Is it Cartman's mom? Cartman: Oh, very funny! Kyle: Hey! It IS Cartman's mom! Mrs. Cartman: [man speaking German on computer] All righty then! Cartma...
[Finishing his "Kyle's Mom" song] Cartman: Kyle's Mom... She's a big, fat, fuckin' BIIIIIIIIITCH! Who's a fuckin' bitch? Kyle's Mooooooooom! Yeah! [Notices Kyle's mom standing behind him] Cartman: Oh fuck.
Chef: Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation? General: I don't listen to hip-hop.
[Kenny has just died in the hospital] Cartman: I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him a hundred dollars. Kyle: It's not your fault, Cartman. Cartman: Dude, I know, I'm just fuckin' stoked I don't have to pay him. Kyle: Oh, that's real nice! He was yo...
Sheila Broflovski: Remember what the MPAA says; Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty woids! That's what this war is all about!
Terrence: [after singing and a few seconds of silence] Suck my balls
Gregory: I must say, I don't believe I belong here with these rogues. I transferred from Yardale where I had a 4.0 grade point average. Cartman: You're a fucking faggot, dude.
Sheila Broflovski: What the heck is a rimjob? Mrs. Cartman: Why, that's where you put your legs behind your head and let someone lick your ass.
Cartman: Hey dudes! Kyle: What's the matter Cartman? Cartman: It's this V-Chip, I hate it! I can't say any dirty words Kyle: Really? So you can't say Fuck? Cartman: No! Kyle: And you can't say Shit? Cartman: No! Kyle: So you can't say I'm Eric Cartma...
Cartman: [singing] Well, Kyle's mom is a big, fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls. / On Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch, o...
Cartman: [to Kyle] Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew! Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word? Cartman: Jew? Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass! Mr. Garrison: Kyle! Cartman: Why the fuck ...
Kyle: Let me have some candy, Cartman. Cartman: Let's see, hmm, nope, I don't have any Jewish candy. Kyle: Fine! Like you really need all that chocolate, fat boy!
Brian Dennehy: Did someone say my name? Stan: Who are you? Brian Dennehy: I'm Brian Dennehy. Kyle: What? No, not fuckin' Brian Dennehy! Stan: Get the fuck out of here! Brian Dennehy: Oh. Bye.
[demonstrating a "V-Chip" planted into Cartman] Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy". Cartman: Doggy. Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Dr. Vosknocker: Now, say "Montana". Cartman: Montana. Dr. Vosknoc...
Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German "scheisse" video, you... you'd tell me, right? [short pause] Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.
