[Shrek sneaks up on a mob about to storm his swamp] Villager 1: There's his lair... let's get him! Villager 2: Do you know what that thing could do? It'll grind your bones for its bread! Shrek: Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now ogres, oh, th...
Shrek: [to Donkey] I already told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me! I live alone! MY swamp! ME! Nobody else, understand? NOBODY! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, TALKING *DONKEYS*! Donkey: But... I thought... Shrek: Yeah, well, yo...
The Donkey: Wait a minute, I know what's going on. You're afraid of the dark. Princess Fiona: Why... yes! The Donkey: Don't worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until... No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
Donkey: [the bridge is swaying] Don't do that! Shrek: Don't do what? Oh, you mean this? [makes the bridge sway] Donkey: Yes, that! Shrek: Yes. Yes, do it. Okay. [sways the bridge some more] Donkey: No, Shrek!
Baby Bear: This cage is too small.
[last lines] Donkey: Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
Shrek: Back off! Donkey: YOU back off! Shrek: This is MY swamp! Donkey: OUR swamp! Shrek: Let go, Donkey! Donkey: YOU let go! Shrek: Stubborn jackass! Donkey: Smelly ogre! Shrek: ...Fine!
Donkey: Okay, so here's another question: Say there's a woman who digs you, right, but you really don't like her THAT quick - now how do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you...
Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? You know, throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread? You know, the whole ogre trip. Shrek: Oh, I know. Maybe I could have decapi...
Princess Fiona: You're an ogre... Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming? Princess Fiona: Well, yes, actually. Oh... this is wrong. This is all wrong! It's not supposed to be an ogre!
[Fiona notices it's sunset] Princess Fiona: [uneasy] Shouldn't we stop to make camp? Shrek: No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. Princess Fiona: But, there's... ROBBERS, in the woods! Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is definitely starting ...
Donkey: I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.
[Shrek rescues Fiona] Princess Fiona: What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. Shrek: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Princess Fiona: [nods] Mmmh-hmm
The Donkey: All right, I hope you heard that? She called me a "noble steed." She thinks I'm a steed.
Princess Fiona: I wanted to show you before... [turns into an ogre] Shrek: Well... er... THAT explains a lot. Lord Farquaad: [revolted] It's disgusting!
Gingerbread Man: God bless us, everyone!
Captain of Guards: [to Shrek, after finding him and Donkey in the woods] You there! Ogre! Shrek: Aye? Captain of Guards: [to both Shrek and Donkey] By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a d...
[Blind Mouse is on Shrek's shoulder, sniffing] Blind Mouse: I found some cheese. [Blind Mouse bites Shrek in the ear] Shrek: Ow! Blind Mouse: Ugh! Awful stuff.
