Lord Farquaad: [to his knights] The winner of this tournament - no, no, the privilege - will have the honour of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon! Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his pl...
Donkey: Shrek, remember when you said that ogres have layers? Shrek: Oh, aye? Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make: donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves. Shrek: Wait a second, donkeys don't have sleeves...
Donkey: I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going... take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here,...
[Shrek bursts into Fiona's and Farquaad's wedding] Lord Farquaad: Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?
[first lines] [a fairytale book appears] Shrek: [narrating] Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded...
Shrek: Does anyone know where this Farquaad guy is? [Donkey jumps up and down, shouting out] Donkey: Oh, I know! I know where he is! Shrek: Does anyone ELSE know where to find him? Donkey: Pick me! Pick me! Me! Me!
Shrek: Listen, little donkey, take a look at me! What am I? Donkey: Ah... really tall? Shrek: No! I'm an OGRE! You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you? Donkey: Nope. Shrek: Really? Donkey: Really, really. Shrek: [taken aba...
Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body. Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!
Shrek: Princess, I was SENT to rescue you by Lord Farquad, okay? HE's the one that wants to marry you. Princess Fiona: Well, why didn't he come to rescue me? Shrek: Good question! You can ask him that when we get there... Princess Fiona: But I'm supp...
[arriving at Duloc] Shrek: [observing a giant building] That must be Lord Farquaad's castle... Do you think he's maybe compensating for something?
[as they approach Fiona's castle, Donkey smells the air] Donkey: Whoa, Shrek, did you do that? Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that, my mouth was open and everything! Shrek: Donkey, if that was me, you'd be dead! [sniffs] Shrek...
Princess Fiona: [after Shrek and Donkey rescue her] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. Shrek: Uh, no... Princess Fiona: Why not? Shrek: I... have helmet hair. Princess Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my re...
Donkey: Hey, look at this! [he goes up to an information booth and pulls a lever. After some clicking, many mechanized marionettes pop out and begin singing] Clockwork Chorus: Welcome to Duloc, such a perfect town / Here we have some rules, let us la...
Lord Farquaad: Mirror, mirror, on the wall / Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Magic Mirror: Well, technically, you're not a king. Lord Farquaad: Ah, Thelonius? [Thelonius the Executioner smashes a small looking glass] Lord Farquaad: ...
[Donkey and Shrek are looking at constellations in the night sky] The Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. The Donkey: Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That ...
Merry Men: [singing] Ta da, da da da da - whoo! Monsieur Hood: I steal from the rich and give to the needy... Merry Man: He takes a wee percentage... Monsieur Hood: But I'm not greedy - I rescue pretty damsels, man I'm good! Merry Men: What a guy, ha...
[Dragon, having a crush on Donkey, is cuddling him] Donkey: [desperately talking] I don't want to rush into a... physical relationship... I'm not that emotionally ready for a... uh... commitment of this... uh... magnitude! Really, that's the word I'm...
[Dragon looms above Donkey] Donkey: Oh, what large teeth you have! [Dragon roars] Donkey: I mean, white sparkly teeth! I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach or something 'cause that's one dazzling smile you go...
