Shaun: David, kill the Queen! David: What? Shaun: The jukebox!
Shaun: As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about.
[looking through Shaun's LPs for suitable records to throw at two approaching zombies] Ed: 'Purple Rain'? Shaun: No. Ed: 'Sign o' the Times'? Shaun: Definitely not. Ed: The 'Batman' soundtrack? Shaun: Throw it. Ed: 'Dire Straits'? Shaun: Throw it. Ed...
Shaun: Do you want anything from the shop? Ed: Cornetto.
Shaun: [about Ed] He's not my boyfriend! Ed: [handing beer to Shaun] It might be a bit warm, the cooler's off. Shaun: Thanks, babe. [winks]
[Shaun is channel hopping] [Channel 4 News] Krishnan Guru-Murthy: Though no one official is prepared to comment, religious groups are calling it Judgement Day. There's... [VH1, playing "Panic" by The Smiths] Morrissey: ...Panic on the streets of Lond...
Pete: It's four in the fucking morning! Shaun: It's Saturday! Pete: No, it's not. It's fucking Sunday. And I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours 'cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I'm S...
Ed: Any zombies out there? Shaun: Don't say that! Ed: What? Shaun: That! Ed: What? Shaun: The zed-word. Don't say it! Ed: Why not? Shaun: Because it's ridiculous! Ed: All right... are there any out there, though? [looking out of the letter-box, he se...
Ed: [pulls the car up] What's up, niggas?
Ed: We're coming to get you, Barbara!
Shaun: As Bertrand Russell once said, "The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation." I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that now. Liz: Was that on a beer mat? Shaun: Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold. Liz: I won't say anything. ...
David: I'm not staying here. Liz: David, don't, that's suicide. Ed: I think you should go.
Ed: Hey, Shaun, look who it is! Shaun: FUCK-A-DOODLE-DO!
Ed: What happened to your hand, man? Pete: I got mugged on the way home. Ed: By who? Pete: I dunno by some crackheads or something, one of them bit me. Ed: Why'd they bite you? Pete: I don't know, I didn't stop to ask them! Now, I have a splitting he...
[after the gun fires in the pub, proving Ed correct] Shaun: Okay. But dogs CAN look up!
[Shaun has just fought a zombie unassisted] Shaun: [sarcastically] Feel free to step in any time! Ed: You did all right. David: I didn't want to cramp your style.
[Shaun leads the zombies away from the pub to create a diversion] Shaun: Come and get it! It's a running buffet! [shouts] Shaun: All you can eat!
Ed: Don't forget to kill Philip!
