[looking at the dead Aunt Edna in the back seat] Ellen Griswold: She must have passed away somewhere near Flagstaff. What are we going to do, Clark? Clark Griswald: Well, we could leave her here and the first phone we pass, we could call your Cousin ...
Clark: [Edited TV version] Excuse me. Could you please tell how to get back on the expressway? Pimp: Man, who do I look like, Christopher "Columbo" Clark: Thank you very much.
[the kids are playing Pacman while Clark is designing a map on the computer] Clark: Russ, please don't eat the Truckster.
Clark: I've spent the last 15 years of my life developing newer and better food additives. I guess I've missed an awful lot. At first, I didn't want to take this vacation. But, now I'm glad I did. It's given me a chance to spend a lot more time with ...
Aunt Edna: Is this your idea of a good restaurant? Dog killer!
Aunt Edna: Clark, Dinkums needs a long walk and a bath. Clark: Rusty take care of Dinkums. Rusty: Dad he bites. Clark: Bite him back.
Lasky: Rusty, may I call you Rusty? I had a bad experience on this ride once. Rusty: What happened? Lasky: I threw up.
Clark Griswald: When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.
Cousin Eddie: Yeah, I bet you could use a cool one, eh? Clark: Now you're talking! [Eddie hands Clark his opened beer he'd been drinking and opens the last fresh one for himself]
Aunt Edna: Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news? Catherine: [nervously] Uh, no; I was just about to. Ellen Griswold: Good news, what good news, Catherine? Aunt Edna: You're driving me to Phoenix! [Clark begins choking on his hamburger]
The Girl in the Ferrari: It's too bad you're married... I'm in the mood for some fun!
Rusty Griswold: Dad, this is not the car you ordered! Clark: Settle down Russ. Let me handle this. Ed, uh... this is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with the C.B. and optional rally fun pack. Ed, the c...
Clark: [to the campground cashier] 37 dollars for three tents?
Ellen Griswold: Clark, I need my vanity case. We've got to go back and look for it. All my credit cards are in it. Clark: Honey, Number 1: I've already called the bank and told them you lost them. B: there's no way we're going to find it when we don'...
Ellen Griswold: No, we don't. You gave $500 to Eddie, and everything on this safari has cost twice as much as you figured out. Clark: Honey, there's nothing in that luggage that can't be replaced. Except for your... diaphragm. We can always cash a ch...
Ellen Griswold: [leaving the house] I turned off the water, the stove, the heat and the air, locked the door, notified the police, stopped the papers. I called to get the grass cut. Did I put the timers on the living-room lights?
[after jumping into the freezing-cold pool] Clark: Aaaaaah! Jesus! Fuck!
Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark? Clark: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside. Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun.
