National Lampoon's Vacation Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Clark: We're from out of town. Man Giving Directions: No shit.

National Lampoon's Vacation

Audrey Griswold: [Looking at Vicki's trophy for hog raising] Uh, don't take this personally, Vicki; but being a farmer isn't too cool you know. Cousin Vicki: Oh, yeah? Well, how cool is this? [Reaches under her bed and pulls out a shoebox full of mar...

National Lampoon's Vacation

Clark: Real tomato ketchup, Eddie? Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best.

National Lampoon's Vacation

Aunt Edna: Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? He sure as Hell can't take a hint. Cousin Eddie: Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash? Clark: Sure, Eddie, how much do you need? Cou...

National Lampoon's Vacation

Ellen Griswold: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough fun for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us. Clark: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins. Personally I'd rather see a...

National Lampoon's Vacation

Clark: I just want you to ask yourself one thing. If you were... if you were me, wouldn't you do the same thing for your children? Roy Walley: No.

National Lampoon's Vacation

Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.

National Lampoon's Vacation

Roy Walley: Well, somebody better explain, or there'll, uh... there'll be a lot of explaining to do.

National Lampoon's Vacation

Rusty Griswold: Mom, my sandwich is all wet. Ellen Griswold: They're all wet... Oh God!... The dog wet on the picnic basket.

National Lampoon's Vacation

Ellen Griswold: Stay in the car! It's hot and dangerous out here. Aunt Edna: Don't you tell me what to do, I'll do what I want! I should never have come on this trip with you, I should have taken an airplane... and he... [pointing to Clark] Aunt Edna...

National Lampoon's Vacation

Clark: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun. Ellen Griswold: Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world...

National Lampoon's Vacation

Ellen Griswold: Don't just blurt it out about Edna dying. Clark Griswald: How about if I ask him to play 20 Questions? [Clark knocks on the front door of Normie's house and rings the doorbell, but no anwser] Clark Griswald: Oh, for chrissake, he isn'...

National Lampoon's Vacation

[In the middle of a desert. Clark is going crazy as he trots through the hills. Two native Americans on horses watch him] Clark: We pass a damn gas station every hundred yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking you...

National Lampoon's Vacation

Aunt Edna: You're the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. It made me so sick! Ellen Griswold: Oh - we're sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake. Aunt Edna: Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude? Clark: Clark. Aunt Edna: I thou...

National Lampoon's Vacation

Lasky: Has your father ever killed anyone? Rusty: Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna. Clark: Hey you can't prove that Russ.

National Lampoon's Vacation

Ellen Griswald: We're not really violent people. This is our first gun. Clark Griswald: No, it isn't.

National Lampoon's Vacation

Ellen Griswold: Lord, we loved this woman with all our heart. Audrey Griswold: Let's not overdo it, mom. Ellen Griswold: Shut up.

National Lampoon's Vacation

[Clark has just been pulled over by a Colorado motorcycle cop] Clark: Hi officer, what's the problem? Motorcycle Cop: Get out of the car! [Clark exits from the car] Clark: I don't think I was speeding. Was I weaving or something? Motorcycle Cop: Shut...

National Lampoon's Vacation