Vinny Gambini: I got thirty fucking minutes to take a shower, get a new suit, get dressed and get to the fucking courthouse! Lisa: You fucking shower, I'll get your fucking suit!
Bill: We should get tuna. Stan: Please no more tuna. Bill: It has protein, we need protein. Stan: Beans have protein. Bill: Beans make you fart. Stan: We got a convertible.
Lisa: I want a wedding in church with bridesmaids and flowers. Vinny Gambini: Whoa. How many times did you say that spontaneous is romantic? Lisa: Hey, a burp is spontaneous. A burp is not romantic.
Vinny Gambini: [Vinny and Lisa receive their breakfast orders, Vinny looks at his skeptically] Whats this over here? Grits Cook: You never heard of grits? Vinny Gambini: Sure I've heard of grits. I just never actually *seen* a grit before.
Vinny Gambini: Does that freight train come through here at 5:00 A.M. every morning? Hotel Clerk: No, sir, it's very unusual. Vinny Gambini: [the next day, after Vinny was awakened by the train] Yesterday you told me that freight train hardly ever co...
Lisa: [angry tone] What the fuck is going on here, Vinny? You fucking up this case or what? Vinny Gambini: I explained it to you already, didn't I? It's a procedure. I'm learning all this as I go along. I'm bound to fuck up a little. Lisa: A little? ...
John Gibbons: Mr. Tipton, I see you wear glasses. Mr. Tipton: Yes I do. John Gibbons: Could you show those glasses to the court, please? Okay, now were you wearing them that day? Mr. Tipton: No. John Gibbons: Uh huh. You see? You were fifty feet away...
Vinny Gambini: [the cook puts a big blob of lard on the stove] Excuse me, you guys down here hear about the ongoing cholesterol problem in the country?
Vinny Gambini: [Trotter asks Vinny how he became a lawyer] Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket. I went to court, I got the cop on the stand, and I argued with him until he admitted he was wrong. And the judge, this Judge Malloy. All the while he's ...
Vinny Gambini: Sheriff Farley, uh... what'd you find out? Sheriff Dean Farley: On a hunch, I took it upon myself to check out if there was any information on a '63 Pontiac Tempest stolen or abandoned recently. This computer readout confirms that two ...
Vinny Gambini: I won my first case, you know what this means... Mona Lisa Vito: Yeah, you think I'm gonna marry you. Vinny Gambini: What, now you're not gonna marry me? Mona Lisa Vito: No way. You can't even win a case by yourself, you're fuckin' use...
Vinny Gambini: This fucking jacket!
Vinny Gambini: [answering the phone] Hello? D.A. Jim Trotter: [into the phone] You did good out there today, Yankee. I like the competition. You like competition, too? Makes things kinds fun, doesn't it? Vinny Gambini: I'm enjoying myself so far. D.A...
Lisa: Support? Is that what you want? I'm sorry, you were wonderful in there! The way you handled that judge... ooh you are a smooth talker. You are... you are!
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini, the next words out of your mouth better be "guilty" or "not guilty." I don't want to hear commentary, argument, or opinion. I don't want to hear any facts or evidence. If I hear anything other than "guilty" or "...
Vinny Gambini: How the fuck did I get into this shit?
Lisa: [talking to townsman] Famous for your mud? How's your Chinese food? Vinny Gambini: You just keep asking about Chinese food. You gotta let everybody know you're a tourist? Lisa: Yeah well what are you, a fucking world traveler?
Lisa: [In the diner after being woken at 5 AM and staring at the menu where the options are simply 'breakfast', 'lunch', and 'dinner'] Breakfast? Vinny Gambini: You think? Uh, good choice. Two.
