Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

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Narrator: Meanwhile, not more than two swallow's flights away, Arthur and Bedivere had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight away, obviously. There were more than two laden swallow's flights away, four really, if they had the c...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Dingo: And after the spanking, the oral sex. Galahad: Well, I could stay a bit longer...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Knight 1: We are the Knights who say... NI.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Roger the Shrubber: Are you saying Ni to that old woman? King Arthur: Um, yes. Roger the Shrubber: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even thos...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there? King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England. 1st soldier with a keen interest in bi...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Minstrel: [singing] He is packing it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering off And chickening out and pissing off home, Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[last lines] King Arthur: [Arthur and Bedevere have found out that the Holy Grail is in Castle Augh, which is guarded by the frenchmen] We shall attack at once. Sir Bedevere: Yes, my liege. [an army of hundreds of soldiers appears] King Arthur: [to C...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

God: What are you doing now? King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord. God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, they're so depressing. Now knock it off!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

King Arthur: Well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Left Head: Halt! Who art thou? Minstrel: [sings] He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin, who... Sir Robin: Shut up! Nobody really, just passing through. Left Head: What do you want? Minstrel: [sings] To fight and... Sir Robin: Shut up! Uh, n-n-nothin...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Sir Galahad: What a strange person.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Sir Robin: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more? King Arthur: Oh shut up and go and change your armour.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

King of Swamp Castle: Listen, Alice... Prince Herbert: Herbert. King of Swamp Castle: Herbert...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

King Arthur: How dare you profane this place with your presence!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Woman: Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

The Dead Collector: Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! Peasant 3: Here you are, here's your ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead! The Dead Collector: Hang on, he says he's not dead! Peasant 3: Yes he is. The Dead Body Th...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[first lines] King Arthur: Whoa, there!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail