[after slicing one of the Black Knight's arms off] King Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary. Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch. King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off. Black Knight: No it isn't. King Arthur: What's that, then? Black Knight: [aft...
French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
King Arthur: I am your king. Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you. King Arthur: You don't vote for kings. Woman: Well how'd you become king then? [Angelic music plays... ] King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite ...
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Bedevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Sir Lancelot: [Sir Galahad the Chaste is being seduced by an entire castle full of young women] We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. Sir Galahad: I don't think I was. Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. Sir Galah...
King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left! Black Knight: Yes I have. King Arthur: Look! Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
Tim: There he is! King Arthur: Where? Tim: There! King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit? Tim: It *is* the rabbit! King Arthur: You silly sod! Tim: What? King Arthur: You got us all worked up! Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit. King Arthur: Ohh. Tim...
Minstrel: [singing] He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin His head sm...
Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then? The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king. Large Man with Dead Body: Why? The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Minstrel: [singing] Brave Sir Robin ran away... Sir Robin: No! Minstrel: [singing] bravely ran away away... Sir Robin: I didn't! Minstrel: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Sir Robin: I never did! Minstr...
King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look? French Soldier: Of course not. You're English types. King Arthur: What are you then? French Soldier: I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king? Sir Galahad: What are you do...
Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni. Knight 2: NI. Other Knights: Shh... Knight 1: We are now the Knights who say..."Ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing, z'nourrwringmm."
Dennis: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed! King Arthur: Bloody peasant! Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? Yo...
Sir Bedevere: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. King Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.
French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
[the Black Knight continues to threaten Arthur despite getting both his arms and one of his legs cut off] Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that! King Arthur: You'll what? Black Knight: Come here! King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me? B...
King Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
