Max Jerry Horovitz: Tell Bernie Clifford your birth mark is made of chocolate, which means when you get to heaven you will be in charge of all the chocolate. This of course is a lie, I do not like lies, but in this case I think it will be of benefit....
Young Mary: [about Len Hislop] He's scared of outside, which is a disease called homophobia.
Narrator: Max had trouble understanding non-verbal signals. Flirting was as foreign to him as jogging.
Max Jerry Horovitz: Dear Mary, please find enclosed my entire Noblet collection as a sign that I forgive you.
Max Jerry Horovitz: My 5th job was a garbage collector. I cleaned up after litter bugs and didn't have to talk to anybody. Sometimes I liked to pretend I was an intergalactic robot.
Max Jerry Horovitz: [in letter to Mary] Recipes are like mathematical equations. Dr. Bernard Hasselhoff told me you should never weigh more than your refrigerator, and to never eat anything bigger than your head. I once ate a watermelon bigger than m...
Max Jerry Horovitz: [to Mary] Have you ever been a communist? Have you ever been attacked by a crow or similar large bird?
Narrator: Born in a barn in the hills of Boronia, Ralph lived a long life and died of pneumonia.
