Life of Brian Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Brian: You have to be different! The Crowd: Yes, we are all different! Small lonely voice: I'm not!

Life of Brian

Reg: If you want to join the People's Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans. Brian: I do! Reg: Oh yeah, how much? Brian: A lot! Reg: Right, you're in.

Life of Brian

Brian: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again? Ex-Leper: Uh, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that I suppose. What I was thinking was I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the mid...

Life of Brian

Brian's mother: What star sign is he? Wise Man #2: Capricorn. Brian's mother: Capricorn, eh? What are they like? Wise Man #2: He is the son of God, our Messiah. Wise Man #1: King of the Jews. Brian's mother: And that's Capricorn, is it? Wise Man #3: ...

Life of Brian

Pontius Pilate: Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!

Life of Brian

[Taking the gifts from the Three Wise Men and pushing them out the door] Brian's mother: Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time...

Life of Brian

Lead Singer Crucifee: You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!

Life of Brian

Lead Singer Crucifee: [singing] Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke; it's true.

Life of Brian

[Brian is explaining why there's a crowd outside their house] Brian: They must have just popped by! Brian's mother: Popped by? SWARMED by, more like! There's a multitude out there!

Life of Brian

Reg: What Jesus fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem.

Life of Brian

Pontius Pilate: He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks.

Life of Brian

[On the run from Roman soldiers, Brain lands on a public stage prophets. Brian quickly decides to disgues himself as one] Brian: [Unsure and stuttering] Don't... pass judgement... on other people, or you might be judged yourself. Passer-by: [as if sh...

Life of Brian

Centurion: Quiet! - silly person.

Life of Brian

Francis: We're gettin' in through the underground heating system here, up through into the main audience chamber here, and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our d...

Life of Brian

Matthias: All I did was say to my wife, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah!"

Life of Brian

Beard vendor: No, no, no. Ten? You're supposed to argue. "Ten for that, you must be mad!"

Life of Brian

Followers: If it's not a personal question, are you a virgin?

Life of Brian

Centurion: We'll be back, weirdo. Matthias: [quietly] Bignose. Centurion: Watch it!

Life of Brian