Damon Macready: So... Have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday? Mindy Macready: Can I get a puppy? Damon Macready: [surprised] You wanna get a dog? Mindy Macready: Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one, and a Bratz movie-star ma...
Hit Girl: Show's over, motherfuckers. [shoots camera]
Katie Deauxma: Dave? What the fuck are you doing? Why are you dressed as Kick-Ass? Dave Lizewski: Because I am Kick-Ass! Katie Deauxma: What are you talking about? Dave Lizewski: I'm also not gay! Katie Deauxma: Fuck!
Dave Lizewski: [voiceover] In the world I lived in, heroes only existed in comic books. And I guess that'd be okay, if bad guys were make-believe too, but they're not.
Todd: Yeah! I think I'm in love with her, dude. Marty: She looks like she's about 11 years old but... Todd: I can wait! I solemnly vow to save myself for her. Marty: I can see how that would be really difficult for you.
[first lines] Dave Lizewski: I always wondered why nobody did it before me. I mean, all those comic books, movies, TV shows. You think that one eccentric loner would've made himself a costume. I mean, is everyday life really so exciting? Are schools ...
Hit Girl: Okay you cunts... Let's see what you can do now!
Huge Goon: Fuck this shit, I'm getting the bazooka!
Dave Lizewski: With no power, comes no responsibility. Except, *that* wasn't true.
Dave Lizewski: Fuck you, Mr. Bitey!
Diner Fight Guy 1: The fuck is wrong with you, man? You'd rather die for some piece of shit that you don't even fucking know? Dave Lizewski: The three assholes, laying into one guy while everybody else watches? And you wanna know what's wrong with me...
Hit Girl: Aww dude, that is one *gay* looking taser.
Dave Lizewski: This is awesome! I look like frickin' Wolverine!
Dave Lizewski: That's not me, by the way. That's some Armenian dude with a history of mental health problems. Who am I? I'm kick ass! [six months earlier] Dave Lizewski: That's me. Back before any of this crazy shit happened. I guess I'm the last per...
Dave Lizewski: If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead. Hit Girl: And if it wasn't for you... my dad wouldn't be.
[last lines] Dave Lizewski: [voiceover] Kick-Ass was gone but not forgotten. And my world was a lot safer with the new generation of superheroes. They said I was their inspiration. But all I did was open a door to a world I'd dreamed about since I wa...
Dave Lizewski: How do I get a hold of you? Hit Girl: [sarcastically] You just contact the mayor's office. He has a special signal he shines in the sky; it's in the shape of a giant cock.
Big Daddy: Good job. I'm so proud of you, baby doll. Are you okay? Hit Girl: Mhmm... but getting shot, Daddy... it hurt a lot more than when you did it. Big Daddy: That's because I used low velocity rounds, child... he... he... Hit Girl: You're the k...
