Steve Rendazo: Hey, your book fell apart! Juno MacGuff: Right? Steve Rendazo: It must've looked at your face!
Mac MacGuff: Did you see that coming? Bren: Yeah... but I was hoping she was expelled, or into hard drugs. Mac MacGuff: That was my first instinct too. Or a DWI... anything but this!
[from trailer] Juno MacGuff: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it. Leah: You should look in the PennySaver. Juno MacGuff: They have ads for parents? Leah: Yeah! 'Desperately Seeking Spawn.'
Juno MacGuff: What about Katrina De Voort? You could totally go out with Katrina De Voort. Paulie Bleeker: No, I don't like Katrina. She smells like soup. Have you ever smelled her? I mean, her whole house smells like soup!
Juno MacGuff: [leaning up against the wall as she's in labor] OWW! OWW! Fuckity OW!
Bren: Doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.
Mark Loring: [to Juno] You are so young.
Mark Loring: [after Vanessa's asks him if he found an apartment] It's not an apartment, it's a loft. Vanessa Loring: Well, aren't you the cool guy?
Bren: I think that kids get bored and have intercourse.
Juno MacGuff: I could so go for like a huge cookie right now, with like, a lamb kabob simultaneously.
Mac MacGuff: I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when. Juno MacGuff: I don't know what kind of girl I am.
Juno MacGuff: And Paulie is actually great... in chair.
Juno MacGuff: [voice over] When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don't want to. All i see is pork swords.
Juno MacGuff: Are you honestly and truly going to prom with Katrina Devore? Paulie Bleeker: Uhh... hi...
Mark Loring: [in reference to Juno's stretched out shirt due to pregnancy] Wow! That shirt's workin' hard.
Leah: But you know, boys have endured worse things for nookie.
Juno MacGuff: Can I use the facilities? Because being pregnant makes me pee like Seabiscuit!
Leah: [to Juno] God, Spermy. Must you always feed?
