Vanessa Loring: Your parents are probably wondering where you are. Juno MacGuff: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?
Juno MacGuff: I think I'm in love with you. Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends? Juno MacGuff: No... I mean for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know... Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard...
Paulie Bleeker: I still have your underwear. Juno MacGuff: I still have your virginity. Paulie Bleeker: Would you shut up?
Juno MacGuff: Hey, Dad. Mac MacGuff: Hey, big puffy version of June bug. Where you been? Juno MacGuff: Oh, just out dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.
Juno MacGuff: I'm just gonna go ahead an nip this thing in the bud. Cuz you know, they say pregnancy often leads to, you know... an infant
Rollo: So what's the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus? Juno MacGuff: I don't know. It's not seasoned yet. [grabs products] Juno MacGuff: I'll take some of these. Nope... There it is. The little pink plus sign is so unholy. [shakes pregnancy t...
Juno MacGuff: Wow your shorts are like especially gold today. Paulie Bleeker: My mom uses color safe bleach. Juno MacGuff: Go Carol.
Su-Chin: I'm having a little trouble concentrating. Juno MacGuff: Oh well I could sell you some of my Adderall if you want. Su-Chin: No thanks I'm off pills. Juno MacGuff: That's a wise choice because I knew this girl who like had this crazy freak ou...
Leah: Yo Yo Yiggady Yo. Juno MacGuff: I'm at suicide risk. Leah: Juno? Juno MacGuff: No, it's Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting? Leah: Only the one in my pants... Juno MacGuff: I'm pregnant. Leah: What? Honest to blog? Juno M...
Juno MacGuff: [yelling through the house] Dad? Mac MacGuff: What? Juno MacGuff: Either I just peed my pants or um... Mac MacGuff: *Or*...? Juno MacGuff: THUNDERCATS ARE GO!
Juno MacGuff: Oh, and she inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine's Day. And I'm like, "Thanks a heap coyote ugly. This cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment."
Juno MacGuff: I'm going to really start looking like a dork soon. Will you still think I'm cute if I'm huge? Paulie Bleeker: I always think you're cute. I think you're beautiful.
Bren: When you move out I'm getting two Weimaraners! Juno MacGuff: WHOA DREAM BIG! Bren: Oh, go fly a kite!
Juno MacGuff: I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while.
Paulie Bleeker: You seem to be getting pregnanter these days.
Rollo: Well, well... If it isn't MacGuff the crime dog! Back for another test? Juno MacGuff: I think the last one was defective. The plus sign looked more like a division sign so I remain unconvinced. [Rollo pulls the bathroom key out of reach] Rollo...
Juno MacGuff: ...and the receptianist tried to get me to take these condoms that looked like grape suckers and was just babbling away about her freaking boyfiends pie balls! Oh an Su-Chin was there and she was like, "Hi babies have fingernails." Fing...
Mark Loring: So... Let's talk about how we're going to do this thing. Juno MacGuff: What do you mean? Don't I just have the thing? Squeeze it on out and hand it over? Gerta Rauss: Mark and Vanessa are willing to negotiate an open adoption... Mac MacG...
