Malcolm Tucker: Fucking hung up, haven't you? You fucking hoity-toity fucking... Tourist: Hey, buddy? Enough with the curse words, all right? Malcolm Tucker: Kiss my sweaty balls, you fat fuck. [he runs into the distance]
Malcolm Tucker: Y'know, I've come across a lot of psychos, but none as fucking boring as you. You are a real boring fuck. Sorry, sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing so I'll sort that out. You are a boring F, star, star, CUNT!
Malcolm Tucker: "Climbing the mountain of conflict"? You sounded like a Nazi Julie Andrews!
Jamie MacDonald: Turn that fucking racket off! It's just VOWELS! Subsidised... foreign... fucking... vowels!
Jamie MacDonald: See that fax? Michael Rodgers: Yes. Jamie MacDonald: That is your career. And I think it might be fucked, but let's just check. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty fucked. Now, I hope you can play the spoons, because you're too old to go back to...
Simon Foster: Judy and I thought I could row back on Question Time, tonight Malcolm Tucker: You're not going on Question Time tonight, you've been disinvited Simon Foster: We've been prepping Question Time! Judy: Why wasn't I told about this? Malcolm...
Lt. Gen. George Miller: I'm a voracious reader. I'm the Gore Vidal of the Pentagon. Karen Clarke: Gore's gay. Lt. Gen. George Miller: No, he's not! Karen Clarke: I beg to differ, but... Lt. Gen. George Miller: He's gay? 'Cause I've been saying that G...
Malcolm Tucker: You concentrate on nothing! You stay detached, or else that's what I'll do to your retinas. Simon Foster: Can I go to bed now, please? Malcolm Tucker: Oh no. We're gonna stay here, and you are gonna rehearse saying nothing. Simon Fost...
Malcolm Tucker: In the words of the late, great Nat King fucking Cole, unforeseeable, that's what you are.
Toby Wright: Liza Weld. She did the Kennedy Scholarship at my college. I had a little thing for her at the time. Judy: I can imagine, yeah. Toby Wright: Don't think she remembered me, to be honest. Judy: That is one of the side-effects of Rohypnol.
Judy: I'll just leave you to your thoughts, OK? Simon Foster: I haven't got any thoughts. I'm just staring vacantly into space while a distant voice in the back of my head goes, "Oh, shit!" like a car alarm in the middle of the night.
Malcolm Tucker: Hey, Foetusboy, Lesson One: I tell you to fuck off, what do you do? Toby Wright: Eff off? Malcolm Tucker: You'll go far, now fuck off.
Paul Michaelson: Am I calm? I'm fucking ZEN!
Linton Barwick: I can't stand to see a woman bleed from the mouth. It reminds me of that Country & Western music which I cannot abide.
Jamie MacDonald: All right, that's enough with the fucking Oxbridge pleasantries. Toby Wright: Wh... What's Oxbridge about saying hello? Jamie MacDonald: SHUT IT, Love Actually! You want me to hole-punch your face?
Sir Jonathan Tutt: Let me tell you the process here, Malcolm, and why that's not possible... Malcolm Tucker: Just fucking do it! Otherwise you'll find yourself in some medieval war zone in the Caucasus with your arse in the air, trying to persuade a ...
Malcolm Tucker: You, hey, put the snifter out there that if the BBC ambushes a minister with another surprise question about the war, I'll drop a bomb on them. Judy: I can't do that, can I? That's political. Malcolm Tucker: Does that not fit within y...
Lt. Gen. George Miller: [to Karen, about Linton Barwick ] He's got his little cannons and he's got his little guns, and... This is the problem with civilians wanting to go to war. Once you've been there, once you've seen it, you never want to go agai...
