Linnie McCallister: Listen, Kevin, what are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna pack your stuff anyway. You're what the French call "les incompetents". Kevin McCallister: What?
Santa Claus: Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?
Kevin McCallister: Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!
Gangster 'Johnny': Who is it? Pizza Boy: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza. Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here. Pizza Boy: Okay. [leaves the pizza on the doormat] Pizza Boy: But what about the money? Gang...
Kevin McCallister: This is my house, I have to defend it.
Kevin McCallister: [Picks up Buzz's Playboy magazine] No clothes on anybody. Sickening. [Tosses the magazine over his shoulder]
Kevin McCallister: Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association? Clerk: Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon. Kevin McCallister: Well, could you please find out?
Kevin McCallister: Can I sleep in your room? I don't want to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. Buzz McCallister: I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass.
Kevin McCallister: The third floor? Kate McCallister: Go. Kevin McCallister: It's scary up there. Kate McCallister: Don't be silly; Fuller will be up in a little while. Kevin McCallister: I don't wanna sleep with Fuller. You know about him, he wets t...
[while on the airplane] Frank McCallister: [talking to Leslie] Wow, that's real crystal. Put it in your purse.
Kevin McCallister: Did anyone order me a plain cheese? Buzz McCallister: Yeah, we did. But if you want any, somebody's gonna have to barf it all up, 'cause it's gone.
[last lines] Buzz McCallister: [shouting] Kevin, what did you do to my room?
[Kevin has just caused a scene in the kitchen and Buzz has him in a headlock] Kate McCallister: Look, stop, stop! What is the matter with you? Kevin McCallister: He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose! He knows I hate sausage and olives and onions...
Peter McCallister: Hey did you by any chance pick up a voltage adapter thing? Kate McCallister: No, I didn't have time to do that. Peter McCallister: Well how am I supposed to shave in France? Kate McCallister: Grow a goatee.
Rod McCallister: Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone? Buzz McCallister: He just ate a whole load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple of weeks. Say... isn't it true that French babes don't shave their pits? Rod McCallister: Some don...
Harry: [Kevin was almost mowed down by Harry and Marv] Hey, hey! You gotta watch out for traffic, son. You know? Kevin McCallister: Sorry. Harry: Damn! Marv: [to Kevin] Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy. Harry: Okay, okay. Merry Chris...
Check-Out Woman: Are you here all by yourself? Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here *alone*? I don't think so.
Harry: [Marv brings a load of stolen goods from the Murphy household to the van and Harry sees him laughing] What's so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again didn't you? You left the water running. What's wrong with you? Why do you do that...
