Megan McCallister: You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin? Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of Amer...
Kevin McCallister: [preparing to meet bandits and loading the rifle] This is it! Don't get scared now!
Marv: Kids are scared of the dark. Harry: You're afraid of the dark, too, Marv.
Harry: Why the hell did you take your shoes off? Marv: Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?
Harry: Where did he go? Marv: Maybe he committed suicide. Kevin McCallister: I'm over here you big horse's ass, come and get me before I call the police.
Kevin McCallister: [apprehensively] I made my family disappear. [thinks back to family members saying bad things about him] Megan McCallister: Kevin, you're completely helpless! Linnie McCallister: You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les inc...
Neighborhood Police Officer: Hi. Brooke McCallister: Hi. Neighborhood Police Officer: Are your parents home? Brooke McCallister: Yeah. Neighborhood Police Officer: Do they live here? Brooke McCallister: No. [walks off] Neighborhood Police Officer: No...
Kate McCallister: Did I turn off the coffee? Peter McCallister: No... I did. Kate McCallister: Did you lock up? Peter McCallister: Yeah. Kate McCallister: Did we set the timers on the lights? Peter McCallister: Yeah. Kate McCallister: Did you close t...
Harry: I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartener.
Check-Out Woman: Where's your mom? Kevin McCallister: In the car. Check-Out Woman: Where's your father? Kevin McCallister: He's at work. Check-Out Woman: What about your brothers and sisters? Kevin McCallister: I'm an only child. Check-Out Woman: Whe...
Kevin McCallister: This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone. Did you hear me? [pouncing] Kevin McCallister: I'm living alone! I'm living alone!
Kate McCallister: How could we do this? We forgot him. Peter McCallister: We didn't forget him, we just miscounted. Kate McCallister: What kind of a mother am I? Frank McCallister: If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses.
Kate McCallister: I have been awake for almost 60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris to Dallas to... where the hell am I? Scranton Ticket Agent: Scranton. Kate McCallister: [finally letting her aggravation out] I am try...
Kate McCallister: Heather, did you count heads? Heather McCallister: Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Kate McCallister: Kevin, get upstairs right now. Kevin McCallister: Why? Jeff McCallister: Kevin, you're such a disease. Kevin McCallister: Shut up. Peter McCallister: Kevin, upstairs. Kate McCallister: Say good night, Kevin. Kevin McCallister: "Good...
Kate McCallister: PETER! [they jump out of bed] Kate McCallister, Peter McCallister: [shouting] We slept in!
Kevin McCallister: [while watching "Angels With Filthy Souls"] Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!
Kevin McCallister: No offense, aren't you too old to be afraid? Marley: You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.
