Chicolini: [sees Firefly giving water to the ailing Mrs. Teasdale] Hey, take it easy! That's the only water we got! Rufus T. Firefly: This is the only woman we've got!
Rufus T. Firefly: Lieutenant, why weren't the original indictment papers placed in my portfolio? Bob Roland: Why, uh, I didn't think those papers were important at this time, your excellency. Rufus T. Firefly: You didn't think they were important? Do...
Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, uh, I suppose you would think me a sentimental old fluff, but, uh, would you mind giving me lock of your hair? Mrs. Teasdale: A lock of my hair? Wh-why, I had no idea. Rufus T. Firefly: I'm letting you off easy: I was going to a...
Chicolini: Well, you remember you gave us a picture of this man and said, 'Follow him?' Ambassador Trentino: Oh, yes. Chicolini: Well, we get on-a the job right away and in the one hour - even-a less than one hour... Ambassador Trentino: Yes? Chicoli...
Rufus T. Firefly: [locked in a bathroom] Let me out of here! Hey, let me out of here or throw me a magazine!
Rufus T. Firefly: [on the phone] Get me headquarters. Not hindquarters, headquarters!
[Firefly emerges from a vase that has been stuck on his head] Rufus T. Firefly: Any mail for me while I was gone?
Rufus T. Firefly: I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you're on your own.
Rufus T. Firefly: Now, what is it that has four pairs of pants, lives in Philadelphia, and it never rains but it pours? Chicolini: Atsa good one. I give you three guesses. Rufus T. Firefly: Now let me see. Has four pair of pants, lives in Philadelphi...
Ambassador Trentino: I am willing to do anything to prevent this war. Rufus T. Firefly: It's too late. I've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield.
[answering the phone in Firefly's office] Chicolini: Hello? No, not yet. All right, I tell him. Good-a-bye. [He hangs up] Chicolini: That was for you again. Rufus T. Firefly: I wonder whatever became of me? I should have been back here a long time ag...
Prosecutor: Chicolini, you are charged with high treason, and if found guilty, you will be shot. Chicolini: I object. Prosecutor: You object? On what grounds? Chicolini: I couldn't think of anything else to say. Rufus T. Firefly: Objection sustained....
Chicolini: Here, have a cigar. [it's only a stub] Chicolini: That's a good quarter cigar. I smoke the other 3/4 myself.
Mrs. Teasdale: Your excellency, the ambassador's here on a friendly visit. He's had a change of heart. Rufus T. Firefly: A lot of good that'll do him: he's still got the same face. Ambassador Trentino: I'm sorry we lost our tempers; I'm willing to fo...
Rufus T. Firefly: There goes my gun. Run out and get that like a good girl.
Rufus T. Firefly: [singing] If any form of pleasure is exhibited, report to me and it will be prohibited! I'll put my foot down, so shall it be... this is the land of the free! The last man nearly ruined this place he didn't know what to do with it. ...
Ambassador Trentino: Now will you tell me what happened on Saturday? Chicolini: I'm glad you ask me. We follow this man down to a roadhouse, and at this roadhouse he meet a married lady. Ambassador Trentino: A married lady? Chicolini: Yeah, I think i...
Bob Roland: This letter's the work of Trentino. The man is trying to undermine you. Now what are you going to do about it? Rufus T. Firefly: I've got a good mind to ring his doorbell and run.
