Rufus T. Firefly: Not that I care, but where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Rufus T. Firefly: I bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Rufus T. Firefly: No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Te...
Rufus T. Firefly: I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Rufus T. Firefly: Married. I can see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. But I can't see the stove.
Ambassador Trentino: I didn't come here to be insulted! Rufus T. Firefly: That's what you think!
Secretary of Labor: The Department of Labor wishes to note that the workers of Freedonia are demanding shorter hours. Rufus T. Firefly: Very well, we'll give them shorter hours. We'll start by cutting their lunch hour to 20 minutes.
Mrs. Teasdale: As chairwoman of the reception committee, I extend the wishes of every man, woman, and child of Freedonia. Rufus T. Firefly: Never mind that stuff. [He takes out a deck of cards] Rufus T. Firefly: Take a card. Mrs. Teasdale: [as she ta...
Rufus T. Firefly: Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the pen...
Chicolini: Now I aska you one. What has a trunk, but no key, weighs 2,000 pounds and lives in a circus? Prosecutor: That's irrelevant. Chicolini: Irrelephant? Hey, that'sa that answer. There's a whole lot of irrelephants in the circus.
Minister of Finance: Here is the Treasury Department's report, sir. I hope you'll find it clear. Rufus T. Firefly: Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. [to Bob Roland] Rufus T. Firefly: Run out and find me a four-year-o...
Rufus T. Firefly: Take a letter. Bob Roland: Who to? Rufus T. Firefly: To my dentist. [Roland writes out the following] Rufus T. Firefly: Uh... Dear dentist, enclosed find check for $500, yours very truly. Send that off immediately. Bob Roland: I'll,...
Rufus T. Firefly: Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honour, which is probably more than she ever did.
Prosecutor: Something must be done! War would mean a prohibitive increase in our taxes. Chicolini: Hey, I got an uncle lives in Taxes. Prosecutor: No, I'm talking about taxes - money, dollars! Chicolini: Dollars! There's-a where my uncle lives! Dolla...
Rufus T. Firefly: Where's my Stradivarius? Officer: Here, sir. Rufus T. Firefly: I'll show 'em they can't fiddle around with old Firefly! [he pulls a tommygun out of his violin case and opens fire] Rufus T. Firefly: Look at 'em run! Now they know the...
Rufus T. Firefly: Go, and never darken my towels again!
Rufus T. Firefly: Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realize our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it? Chicolini: I've done it already. Rufus T. Firefly: You've done what? Chicolini: I've changed to the othe...
Bob Roland: Message from the front, sir. Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, I'm sick of messages from the front. Don't we ever get a message from the side? - What is it? Bob Roland: General Smith reports a gas attack. He wants to know what to do. Rufus T. Firefly...
Rufus T. Firefly: Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a ...
Rufus T. Firefly: And now, members of the cabinet... [pounds gavel] Rufus T. Firefly: we'll take up old business. Cabinet Member: I wish to discuss the tariff. Rufus T. Firefly: Sit down, that's new business. No old business? Very well... [pounds gav...
