Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI. Your dog has been leaving little bombs in my yard, and I do not appreciate it. Fred McDade: Oh you know dogs... they go where they want to go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] Gru: I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, hav...
Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? Gru: No. Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.
Agnes: Oh, my gosh look at that fluffy unicorn! [Agnes looks at the unicorn with awe] Agnes: He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!
Dr. Nefario: We have to warn him, and FAST! [starts driving on his moped very slowly]
Young Gru: Mom, someday, I'm going to go to the moon. Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys anymore.
Agnes: Pinkie promise? Gru: Oh yes, my pinkie promises.
Gru: We stole the Statue of Liberty...! [the minions cheer] Gru: ...the small one, from Las Vegas! [the cheers stop] Gru: I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower... also Vegas.
Edith: Hey, that one looks like me. Gru: What are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental.
Agnes: Why are you wearing your pajamas? Vector: [sputters] These aren't pajamas! It's a warm-up suit. Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Margo: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleepin...
Gru: [reading the book he wrote] One big unicorn, strong and free, thought he was happy as he could be. Then three little kittens came around and turned his whole life upside down. They made him laugh, they made him cry. He never should have said goo...
Margo: Hello? Cookies for sale! Gru: Go away, I'm not home! Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you. Gru: No, you didn't. This... is a recording. Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't. Gru: Yes, it is. Watch this. Leave a message. Beep! [Edith kicks the door, ca...
Agnes: I like him. He's nice. Edith: He's scary. Agnes: Like Santa.
Gru: Kyle. These are not treats. These are guests! [to the girls] Gru: Girls, this is Kyle, my... dog. [Kyle growls] Agnes: Ooh, fluffy doggie! [runs toward Kyle, who whines and runs away; griefs in disappointment] Margo: What kind of dog is that? Ag...
Agnes: Aw. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. Edith: That's a Cheeto. Agnes: Oh. [eats it]
Dr. Nefario: And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. [shoots a minion with the fart gun, making him pass out] Gru: No, no, no. I said DART gun, not... [grossed out] Gru: okayyy. Dr. Nefario: Oh yes. Cause I was wondering... under what cir...
Gru: Uh, question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots. Boogie! Look at this! Watch me. Gru: Cookie robots! I said cookie robots! Ah, why... why are you so... old?
Vector: I'm applying for a villain loan. I go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, represented by an arrow with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, because I commit crimes with both direction and magnituide. Oh yeah!
Gru: [Explaining why the girls can't find their book "Three Little Kittens"] That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously...
