Jay: I dunno dude, that Caitlin chick's nice, but I've seen that Veronica girl doing shit for you all the time. I saw her rubbing your back, fucking comes and brings you food. Didn't I see her change your tire once? Dante Hicks: Hey-hey, you know, I ...
Caitlin Bree: Can I use your bathroom? Randal Graves: Sure. But there's no lights back there. Caitlin Bree: Why aren't there any lights? Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. Caitlin Bree: You're k...
Cat Admiring Bitter Customer: Cute cat. What's its name? Randal Graves: Annoying customer. Cat Admiring Bitter Customer: [grabs pack of cigarettes] Fuckin' dickhead!
Jay: I feel good today, Silent Bob, we're gonna make some money, then you know what we're going to do? We're gonna go to that party, we're gonna get some pussy, and I'm gonna fuck this bitch, I'll fuck this bitch, I'll fuck ANYTHING THAT MOVES! [to a...
Randal Graves: Oh, I just remembered, Caitlin's in the back. You might want to check on her. She's been back there a long time. Dante Hicks: What? There're no lights back there! Randal Graves: I know. I told her, but she said she could manage. Why do...
Jay: Yeah. Silent Bob, you're a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. [Jay makes a rude head gesture and car horn honks] Jay: Ewww, you fucking ...
[about Silent Bob's Russian Cousin] Jay's Lady Friend: He only speaks Russian? Jay: Naw, he speaks some English, but he can't all speak it good like we do.
Randal Graves: Duh duh... duh duh... duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh... Salsa shark! We're gonna need a bigger boat! Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa. Shark's in the salsa. Our shark.
Dante Hicks: Veronica, I love you! Veronica Loughran: FUCK YOU!
Dante Hicks: Hey, whatcha rent? [reads the cover to Randal's videotape] Dante Hicks: "Best of Both Worlds"? Randal Graves: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame. Dan...
Caitlin Bree: I'm offering you my body and you're offering me semantics.
Dante Hicks: What time do you get to work today? Randal Graves: I dunno. Like... ten, or ten after. Dante Hicks: Wrong! You were over a half an hour late! And then all you do is come in here! Randal Graves: Yeah, to talk to you. Dante Hicks: Which me...
Dante Hicks: How many times have I told you not to be dealing in front of the store? Jay: I'm not dealin', man. What you talkin' about? Burner Looking for Weed: Hey, you got anything, man? Jay: Yeah, what you want?
Dante Hicks: [to Veronica] Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot! Dante Hicks: [a random customer standing outside Quick Stop starts to follow Veronica after hearing remark] Hey... get back here!
Dante Hicks: You get me slapped with a fine. You pick fights with the customers and I have to patch everything up. You get us chased out of a funeral home by violating a corpse. To top it all off, you ruined my relationship with Veronica! What's your...
Jay: I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.
Jay: [singing] Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Schmokin Weed, Schmokin' Weed, Doin' Coke, Drinkin' Beers...
[Randall is watching hermaphroditic porn] Caitlin Bree: What are you watching? Randal Graves: Children's programming.
