Becky: [to Dante] Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's forgivable to go ass to mouth. Randal Graves: [chuckling] Heh. I knew it.
Randal Graves: Seventeen year olds nowadays are crazy. They're up for anything. They even like it when you go ass to mouth. Dante Hicks: Oh, my God. Randal Graves: What? Dante Hicks: Are you serious? Randal Graves: I don't fuck around when it comes t...
Elias: [Taking 'I Eat Cock' sign off of his employee of the month picture; to Randal] Well, at least you spelled cock right this time.
Randal Graves: What's the point in having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look up weird, fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?
Dante Hicks: [about Becky] No, we had sex one night after work a few weeks ago. Randal Graves: What? Where? Dante Hicks: Here, on the prep station table. Randal Graves: Ew, that's my prep table.
Dante Hicks: [after Emma flashes Randal] What'd you do that for? You realize he just thinks you're trying to get him into a threeway with us now, don't you?
Randal Graves: How the fuck did you father a child with a chick that's not your fiancé? Holy shit, she got pregnant off the toilet seat you jerked off onto! I fucking knew it!
Randal Graves: If Peter Jackson really wanted to blow me away with those "Rings" movies, he would have ended the third one on the logical closure point, not the 25 endings that followed.
Randal Graves: Even the fuckin' trees walked in those movies.
Randal Graves: You ever see a chick give a mule a blowjob?
Dante Hicks: I mean, you already taught me how to dance at a wedding.
Randal Graves: Dude, I'm pretty sure your old lady wants to get you and me together in a three-way!
[first lines] Dante Hicks: [on his cellphone] Yeah, I got a fire at the Quick Stop. Yeah.
Randal Graves: I'd buy the Quick Stop and reopen it myself. That's what I'd do. That's what we should do.
Randal Graves: You're gonna be rolling in the pussy, man! Elias: Don't be gross! Randal Graves: Says the guy who was just playing tonsil hockey with his mother.
Randal Graves: The best part of this job is all the barely legal pussy that comes in here. And they all look up to me 'cause I've got a driver's license. It's awesome.
Randal Graves: And you wonder why no chick will let you stick your cock in her. Elias: I never wondered that.
Dante Hicks: I'm having second thoughts. Randal Graves: About your sexuality?
