Jay: Thanks, Pickle Fucker! [to Silent Bob] Jay: Yo, some pickle fucker gave us free eats!
Randal Graves: What? What is the big deal? Since when did it become a crime to say porch monkey? Becky: Oh, I don't know, since forever? Randal Graves: Why? Dante Hicks: Because porch monkey's a racial slur against black people! Randal Graves: No it'...
Randal Graves: All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi." Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek. Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses. Elias: You'll have to ex...
Silent Bob: ...I got nothing.
Elias: Since God created man, and man created the Transformers, the Transformers are like a gift from God, Randal! Randal Graves: No sir. They are not a gift from God. They are an unholy curse from the beast we call the Desolate One. Elias: I don't r...
Wife: I'm not eating something that was cooked by some cracker-ass hatemonger! Husband: I will. Baby, you can't taste racism! Randal Graves: What racism, "porch monkeys?"
Randal Graves: That look was so gay. I thought Sam was gonna tell the little hobbits to take a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now *that* would have been an Academy Award worthy ending. Hobbit Lover: Hey faggot, they...
Teen #1: You guys holding? Jay: Shit, everything but coke, heroin and your cock. Teen #2: What? Teen #1: How 'bout a nickel bag, man? Jay: [singing] Oh, fifteen bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong, nong, ning-a ning-a nong nong! Teen #1...
Randal Graves: [after the fire at the Quick Stop] Terrorists? [Dante shakes his head] Randal Graves: I left the coffee pot on again, didn't I? [Dante nods] Randal Graves: Shit! Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck when my mom's home?
[a bunch of cops and fireman run into Mooby's and see the "interspecies erotica"] Fireman: What the fuck? [the donkey brays as the Police Officer sees Randal's "Porch Monkey 4 Life" shirt] Officer: [shouting] PORCH MONKEY? Randal Graves: Oh, no no, i...
Dante Hicks: Have you become so embittered that you now feel the need to attack the handicapped? Randal Graves: What handicap? They guy's just in a wheelchair, it's not like he's Anne Frank or something. Dante Hicks: Anne Frank? Randal Graves: Yeah, ...
Elias: Whoo! We's all gonna get drunk and get laid! Dante Hicks: Oh my God, is Elias hammered? Jay: Isn't it awesome? My man smoked two blunts full of skunk! Elias: Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love a lot of pussy! Jay: [looks at Silent Bob] Yo, we ...
Randal Graves: Before he was the Mad Ducats guy, he was just Pickle Fucker. You see, freshman year, the seniors would hunt us down and put us through what they called "initiations." They'd stuff us into lockers or throw us in the girl's shower room n...
Randal Graves: [about the Go-Karts] It just centers me, alright? Kinda the way jerking off at work centers you. Dante Hicks: I only did it that one time. And it wasn't to center me. Randal Graves: Yeah, it was to cum. Well I dunno about you, but cumm...
Randal Graves: We were just killing time with those classes! One semester we took Criminology, for Christ's sakes. What the fuck were we training to be, Batmen? [Jay and Silent Bob smile at each other]
Becky: I'm disgusted and repulsed and... and I can't look away.
Teen #2: Is that a fucking Bible? Jay: Hey hey, the HOLY fucking Bible, son.
Jay: You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah. Like, be the first moth...
