Becky: [on the roof about to teach Dante how to dance] Hey, Twelve-Step! [Jay looks around confused] Becky: Jay! Jay: [looks up] Lord? Becky: Up here, jackass. Jay: [moves so he can see her] What the fuck are you doing up there? Yo, if you're gonna j...
Jay: [after Silent Bob hands Jay a Redbull, Jay drinks it and kicks it in the air] Get the FUCK outta here!
Dante Hicks: I can't believe you. I finally get my shit together. I'm hours from getting outta here, and really starting my life, and you somehow figure out a way to obliterate all that and reduce me to a convict. Randal Graves: Oh, yeah, it's my fau...
Elias: [to Jay] I have a huge boner right now! [Jay smiles nervously at him]
Dante Hicks: We need to talk. Becky: [referring to the donkey] Did you see the size of that cock?
Randal Graves: May your first child be a masculine child!
Randal Graves: [to Dante] You're my best friend, and I love you... In a totally heterosexual way. Jay: [to Silent Bob] Yeah, right.
Hobbit Lover: I'm gonna kick your ass back to the Shire if you don't shut your fucking mouth.
Elias: [while masturbating] I'm sorry, Jesus!
Sexy Stud: [as the cops pull up] Oh, shit! Not again! Gotta finish!
Randal Graves: Ladies and gentlemen, and you, Elias! Straight from the debauchery capital of the world, Tijuana Mexico! Dante Hicks: Oh, God, no. Randal Graves: Oh, God, yes! [snaps his fingers and an incredibly elaborate lighting set-up is activated...
Randal Graves: [describing the Lord of the Rings Trilogy] Here's the first movie. [walks a few steps, staring blankly] Randal Graves: And here's the second movie. [walks a few steps again, pretends to trip] Hobbit Lover: He is way off, loser. Randal ...
[Randal bursts into the office] Randal Graves: [laughing] I made fun of "Lord of the Rings" so hard, it made some supergeek puke all over the counter. Where do we keep the mop and bucket so I can have Elias clean it up? Dante Hicks: In the closet, wi...
Randal Graves: Ease up, Pillow Pants. The dude's not into your D&D GoBots bullshit.
Becky: Emma, I don't - I don't know what to say. Emma: [on the verge of tears] Take him, fucking whore. [throws her ring at Becky]
Dante Hicks: [pause in dancing as he dips her; to Becky] I love you, Becky. Becky: I'm pregnant, Dante. [Dante drops Becky]
Jay: [Emma parks her SUV and gets out. Jay and Silent Bob stand in front of the graffiti on the side of the Mooby's - "Eat pussy."] Oh, we *totally* do.
Elias: [mumbling] "One Ring to rule them all." Hobbit Lover: "One Ring to find them." Randal Graves: Oh, Jesus. Elias: [pulls a Ring necklace out of his shirt] "One Ring to bring them all." Hobbit Lover: [pulls a Ring out of his pocket, in a dramatic...
