Randal Graves: Why because I enjoyed what I did? I got to watch movies fuck with assholes and hang out with my best friend all day, can you think of a better way to make a living? Yeah maybe it wasn't what everyone does but it was pretty fucking good...
Lance Dowds: Randal Graves. Thirty-two and you're flipping burgers? Jesus, anybody else from our graduating class back there?
Husband: Remember, you saved. You don't use that kinda language. Wife: Ain't nobody from my church in here.
Counter Girl with Ear Guy: You fuckin' freak. [pulls boyfriend by loop in ear] Randal Graves: I'm not even gonna point out the irony, here.
Randal Graves: Emma, are you like this 'cause you have an unnaturally large clit? Emma: You just *had* to tell him, didn't ya? Dante Hicks: It kinda came out one day! Randal Graves: He says it's so big it's almost like a little cock, which says all k...
Randal Graves: [to Emma] You became persona non-nookie to me the minute he started diddling your pooter. Emma: So thinking of me in terms of being a girl kind of creeps you out, does it? Randal Graves: Sweetheart, I don't think of you in terms of bei...
Elias: [removing a smoking black basket of fries] I don't think these look right. Randal Graves: Jesus! Step away from the fryer before you burn us all alive! Elias: It's not my fault you abandoned your post! Randal Graves: Was it too much to ask tha...
Emma: It must be nice to have a job with so much downtime. Randal Graves: Downtime's important. If I had to deal with all the fucking mouthbreathers non-stop without a break, I'd put my head in the deep-fryer. [Dante and Emma stare at him, waiting fo...
Becky: Fuck, I had to take a fuckin' order off a guy I blew after Junior Prom, once. Randal Graves: Yeah, I've waited on your brother, too.
Dante Hicks: You wouldn't wanna be with a girl with an oversized clit? Randal Graves: No, 'cause the next step is a guy with an undersized dick.
Emma: Come outside with me, I've got a surprise for you! [Emma and Dante run outside and pass Jay, posing completely naked] Dante Hicks: That's my surprise? Emma: No.
Jay: You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like, did you know Jesus was a Jew? Teen #2: [pause] Yeah.
Elias: Say what you will about Jesus, but leave the "Rings" out of this.
Randal Graves: Man, you must love this fucking guy, 'cause he's the biggest pussy I ever met, the dude who lives his life according to everyone else's standards. "I have to go down to Florida and get married because that what's expected of me." And t...
[Jay hands Emma a cake] Jay: Quick, hit that two-timing fuck with this! [she hits Dante with the cake] Jay: Hey, you wanna go out some time?
Randal Graves: How the fuck do you always have like two good-looking girls who want you? You're the most hideous fucking chud I've ever met, and you always have a pair of girls fighting over you.
Randal Graves: You swung at me! Dante Hicks: You ducked. Randal Graves: Because you swung at me!
[last lines] Dante Hicks: Can you feel it? Randal Graves: Feel what? Dante Hicks: Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
