Nicole: You know how everyone's always saying seize the moment? I don't know, I'm kind of thinking it's the other way around, you know, like the moment seizes us.
Samantha: [as the family leaves their house for the last time before moving] Goodbye, yard! Goodbye, crepe myrtle! Goodbye, mailbox! Goodbye, box of stuff Mommy won't let us take with us but we don't want to throw away. Goodbye, house, I'll never lik...
Dad: [Mason Jr. bowls a gutterball] Alright, don't worry about it. Mason: I wish I could use the bumpers... Dad: You don't want the bumpers, life doesn't give you bumpers.
Mason: Dad, there's no real magic in the world, right? Dad: What do you mean? Mason: You know, like elves and stuff. People just made that up. Dad: Oh, I don't know. I mean, what makes you think that elves are any more magical than something like a w...
Mom: [Mason is leaving for college] This is the worst day of my life. Mason: What are you talking about? Mom: [Starts crying] I knew this day was coming. I just... I didn't know you were going to be so fucking happy to be leaving. Mason: I mean it's ...
Mason: I just feel like there are so many things that I could be doing and probably want to be doing that I'm just not.
Mason: So what's the point? Dad: Of what? Mason: I don't know, any of this. Everything. Dad: Everything? What's the point? I mean, I sure as shit don't know. Neither does anybody else, okay? We're all just winging it, you know? The good news is you'r...
Mason: I finally figured it out. It's like when they realized it was gonna be too expensive to actually build cyborgs and robots. I mean, the costs of that were impossible. They decided to just let humans turn themselves into robots. That's what's go...
Dad: [while canvassing for the 2008 Presidential Election] Hey, grab that McCain sign, would you? Mason: Dad, isn't that illegal? Dad: Just put it in the car. I'm being patriotic.
Samantha: [after leaving Bill's family for good] Why couldn't we take Randy and Mindy with us? Mom: Because sweetie, I'm not their legal guardian, that would be kidnapping; it's against the law. Samantha: Couldn't you talk to their mom? Mom: I tried ...
Mom: [Driving Mason Jr. home from school] Your teacher said you're behind on your homework assignments. Mason: No, I did them, they were just sitting in my backpack. Mom: So, why didn't you turn them in? Mason: She never asked for them. Mom: Well, ho...
Mason: Do you still love dad? Mom: I still love your father, but that doesn't mean it was healthy for us to stay together. Mason: What if after we move he's trying to find us, and he can't?
Mason: [while canvassing for the 2008 Presidential Election] Hi, I was wondering if you'd like an Obama sign on your lawn? No Obama Man: No. Do I look like I'm voting for Barack *Hussein* Obama? No Obama Man: [Mason starts leaving] This is private pr...
Nick: [Mason Jr. returns to class from the darkroom after talking with his teacher] What's up Mason? You're walking a little funny, there... Mason: Fuck you. Nick: Hey, I'm just saying. You were in there for quite a while...
Mom: [Mason Jr. and Samantha start fighting in the backseat] Hey! What's going on back there? Stop it! Put a barrier up! Come on, make a barrier with your pillow! Mom: Okay, we're going to play a game: Whoever can stay quiet the longest wins. And, go...
Mason: You know, Jim, you're not my dad. Jim: No, I'm not your dad. You know how I know that? 'Cause I'm actually here. I'm the guy with the job, payin' the bills, takin' care of you, your mom, your sister.
Dad: Top of volume two, first four tracks. You've got "Band on the Run" into "My Sweet Lord" into "Jealous Guy" into "Photograph." Come on! It's like the perfect segue. You've got Paul who takes you to the party, George who talks to you about God, Jo...
Randy: Hey Paul, tell us a joke! Paul: Fuck. Damn. Go to Hell. Ass.
