Being John Malkovich Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

[During a job interview] Dr. Lester: Which of these two letters comes first, this one or this one? Craig Schwartz: The symbol on the left is not a letter, sir? Dr. Lester: Damn, you're good. I was trying to trick you.

Being John Malkovich

Dr. Lester: Any questions? Craig Schwartz: Just one. Why are these ceilings so low? Dr. Lester: Low overhead, my boy - we pass the savings on to you! But seriously, that'll all be covered in the orientation.

Being John Malkovich

Maxine: Tell me a little about yourself. Craig Schwartz: Well, I'm a puppeteer... Maxine: [turns to bartender] Check!

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: If I can guess your name in three tries, you have to come have a drink with me tonight. Maxine: Why not? Craig Schwartz: Okay. You look like a... BarrrRuuu - BellllLuuuu - Lllll - Carolllll - Taaaa-Sharrr - - SusaaannnEmmmmilllly - - ...

Being John Malkovich

First J.M. Inc. Customer: Now when you say that I can be somebody else, whaddya mean exactly? Craig Schwartz: Well, we mean exactly that. We can put you inside someone else's body, for fifteen minutes. First J.M. Inc. Customer: Can I be anybody that ...

Being John Malkovich

[Lotte comes home late at night] Craig Schwartz: You were him, weren't you? Lotte Schwartz: Yeah. Craig Schwartz: And he was with her! Lotte Schwartz: We love her, Craig. Craig Schwartz: We? Lotte Schwartz: John and me.

Being John Malkovich

Dr. Lester: Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz. Craig Schwartz: Oh, no. Dr. Lester: If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears. Craig Schwartz: I wasn't toying with her sir, I wouldn't - pardon me, how old are you, sir? Dr. Lester: 105. Carrot juice, ...

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: I like you, I don't know what it is about you. Maxine: My tits? Craig Schwartz: No! No, no, no. Maxine: No? Craig Schwartz: It's your energy, your attitude, you know, the way you carry yourself. Maxine: You're not a fag, are you? Crai...

Being John Malkovich

Maxine: You're not someone I could get interested in, Craig, you play with dolls.

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: What happens when a man goes through his own portal?

Being John Malkovich

Dr. Lester: Floris, get Guinness on the phone. Floris: Right away, Dr. Lester. Genghis Khan Capone.

Being John Malkovich

Lotte Schwartz: Suck my dick!

Being John Malkovich

Larry the Agent: John! Great to see you! Sorry about the cunt at reception. Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich): This is my fiancée Maxine. Larry the Agent: Great to see you, Maxine. Sorry about the cunt at reception. Please have a seat.

Being John Malkovich

Charlie: Lookin' great, Flo. Floris: "Lookin' grateful"?

Being John Malkovich

[first lines] Lotte Schwartz: Craig, honey, it's time for bed. [fade out and in] Orrin Hatch the bird: Craig, honey, time to get up, Craig, honey, time to get up, Craig, honey, time to get up, Craig, honey, time to get up, Craig Schwartz: Lotte... Lo...

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: [watching the puppeteer with the giant puppet on TV] Gimmicky bastard...

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: Hi. Do you know that I don't even know your name, or where you work? Maxine: Yeah.

Being John Malkovich

Lotte Schwartz: We love her, Craig. Craig Schwartz: We? Lotte Schwartz: John and me. Craig Schwartz: Don't forget about me! Lotte Schwartz: Well you have a Maxine action figure to play with!

Being John Malkovich