Waiter: Malkovich? John Malkovich: MALKOVICH! Waiter: Malkovich.
Craig Schwartz: You don't know how lucky you are being a monkey. Because consciousness is a terrible curse. I think. I feel. I suffer. And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work. And they won't allow it... because I raise issues.
Guy in Restaurant: 'Scuse me. John Malkovich: Mm-hmm? Guy in Restaurant: Are you John Malkovich? John Malkovich: Yes, I am. Guy in Restaurant: Wow! You're really, uh, great in that movie... John Malkovich: Oh? Guy in Restaurant: ...where you play tha...
John Malkovich: This portal is mine and must be sealed up forever. For the love of God. Craig Schwartz: With all respect, sir, I discovered that portal. Its my livelihood. John Malkovich: It's my head, Schwartz, and I'll see you in court! [Malkovich ...
Lotte Schwartz: I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis AND a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... fem...
Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich): There is truth, and there are lies, and art always tells the truth. Even when it's lying.
Craig Schwartz: Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.
Floris: Welcome to Lestercorp. How may we meet your filing needs? Craig Schwartz: No, no. Um... my name's Craig Schwartz. I have an interview with Dr. Lester. Floris: Oh. Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez. Craig Schwartz: Schwartz. Floris: Pardon? Craig...
John Malkovich: The weird thing is, this Maxine likes to call me "Lotte". Charlie: Ouch. That is hot. Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover. Sounds like my kind of gal. Let me know when you're done with her, yeah? John Malkovich: W...
Maxine: Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.
Maxine: Have you ever had two people look at you, with complete lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?
Craig Schwartz: I've fallen in love, and this is what people who've fallen in love look like. Maxine: Well, you picked the unrequited variety. It's very bad for the skin.
Maxine: Let's have sex on his table and then make him eat an omelette off of it. John Malkovich: NO! [Craig regains control] Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich): Shut up, you overrated piece of shit.
Lotte Schwartz: Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.
Maxine: Craig, I don't find you attractive, but Lotte, I'm smitten with you. I am... but only when you're in Malkovich. When I was with him last night, I was looking into his eyes and could sense your feminine longing.
John Malkovich: I have seen a world that NO man should see! Craig Schwartz: Really? Because for most people it's a rather enjoyable experience.
[During sex] John Malkovich: Did you call me Lotte? Maxine: Yeah, do you mind? John Malkovich: No, not really.
