Adam: What are your qualifications? Beetlejuice: Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXO...
Juno: What's wrong? Barbara: We're very unhappy. Juno: What did you expect? You're dead.
[why he can't tell Lydia his name] Beetlejuice: Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends, your friends are callin' me on the horn all the time, I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it make...
Beetlejuice: Go ahead, make my millennium.
Adam: You can see us without the sheets? Lydia: Of course I can see you. Adam: Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can? Lydia: Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: 'live people ignore the strange and unusua...
Very Dumb Football Player: [the football players have re-entered Juno's office] Coach? Juno: What? Very Dumb Football Player: [looking disturbed] I don't think we survived that crash. Juno: [sarcastically] How did you guess?
Lydia: Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you? Beetlejuice: Dead. Dead, dead, deadski. Lydia: Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. Beetlejuice: No, I mean they're gone, split, out of here, afterlife kids, deceased-ahh. Lydia: Are you a ghost ...
[Evaluating her new home] Delia: A little gasoline... blowtorch... no problem.
Beetlejuice: [after kicking down a model tree] Nice fuckin' model!
Barbara: [after Jane did not hear Adam call her] She didn't see you, right? Adam: Uh-uh. Barbara: [reading the handbook] In the book: "Rule Number Two: the living usually won't see the dead". Adam: 'Won't' or 'can't'? Barbara: It just says 'won't'. G...
Beetlejuice: Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.
Beetlejuice: [after Lydia says his name three times] It's showtime.
Bernard: Otho, I didn't realize you were into the supernatural. Otho: Well, of course! You remember, after my stint with the Living Theatre. I was one of New York City's leading paranormal researchers, until the bottom dropped out in '72. Beryl: [cyn...
Beetlejuice: I'm feeling a little, ooh, anxious if you know what I mean. It's been about six hundred years after all. I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself, can find a little *action*.
Adam: You've read our book? Lydia: Yeah. Adam: You can follow it? Lydia: Yeah. Why were you guys creeping around in Delia's bedroom? Adam: We were trying to scare your mother. Lydia: Stepmother. Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince...
Delia: Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. Charles: Ha. Delia: I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my ow...
Otho: [seeing an office and not seeing Barbara decapitating Adam] Ugh. Deliver me from L.L. Bean.
Charles: Delia Deetz, welcome home. Delia: [being kissed] Charles... Charles: It's okay, there's no damage. See? It's okay. A good sturdy comfy craftsmanship. And look at that kitchen. You're finally gonna be able to cook a decent meal.
