Army of Darkness Quotes

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[from Director's Cut] Ash: What are you? Are you me? Evil Ash: Whad are do? Are do be? HAHAHAHAHAH! You sound like a jerk! Ash: Why ya doin' this, huh? Evil Ash: Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're...

Army of Darkness

Evil Ash: You're pissing me off, you ugly son of a bitch!

Army of Darkness

Ash: Maybe. Just maybe my boys can protect the book. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.

Army of Darkness

Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words? Ash: Yeah, basically. Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words? Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

Army of Darkness

[Sheila wants to apologize to Ash] Ash: First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.

Army of Darkness

[as undead Ash stands triumphant on catapult] Ash: Buckle up Bonehead. 'Cause you're goin' for a ride!

Army of Darkness

[as an evil Ash begins growing out of his shoulder] Ash: Oh, dear God, it's growing bigger!

Army of Darkness

[when Sheila walks into the blacksmith's shop to talk to Ash] Ash: What? Were you raised in a barn? Shut the door! Probably was raised in a barn, along with the other primitives.

Army of Darkness

Evil Ash: You're going down! Ash: I'm going up!

Army of Darkness

Ash: Now I swear the next one of you primates even *touches* me...

Army of Darkness

[after Ash chops up Evil Ash with a chainsaw and throws him into a hole] Evil Ash: You'll never retrieve the Necronomicon! You'll die before ya get it! Ash: Hey! What's that you got on your face? Evil Ash: Huh? [Ash throws dirt on Evil Ash's face] As...

Army of Darkness

Ash: Now whoa whoa whoa right there spinach chin!

Army of Darkness

Ash: [trying to kill a small Ash that has jumped into his mouth and into his stomach, he gets a kettle of boiling water] Okay, little fella, here's a little [shouts] Ash: hot chocolate for ya! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Army of Darkness

Ash: Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures.

Army of Darkness

Arthur: How will we stop an army of the dead at our castle walls? How will you fight that? With more words? Most of our people have already fled. We are but sixty men.

Army of Darkness

Evil Ash: I got a bone to pick with you.

Army of Darkness

Evil Ash: [Admiring Sheila] Well aren't you the sweetest little thing?

Army of Darkness

Sheila: [Being handled by Evil Ash] Don't touch me! You foul thing! Evil Ash: You're gonna learn to love me, missy. Sheila: The Promised one will come for you. Evil Ash: Darlin' I'm gonna save him the trouble.

Army of Darkness